Back Up the Tubes

A guy in his 20’s came in with his fiancee (she forced him to apparently) and stated that he got drunk one night and wanted to “play with himself.” He stated he shoved his testicles “back up the tubes.” Sure enough they were partially lodged in the inguinal canal. The worst part is that he waited 2 YEARS to be seen for it. Ouch!

Discharged for Dehydration

I am wheeled into the ER by my dad because I can’t walk due to the pain in my legs from dehydration. Dehydration, by the way, was my chief complaint. All vitals were consistent with this, and when the doctor came into the room to ask what was wrong, I said I was dehydrated. He looked at me and said “you don’t look like it to me.” Then he turned around and walked out. My dad and I waited another hour for something to happen when finally a nurse came in and said “oh, you’re still here? The doctor discharged you an hour ago.”

$100 to tell me I don’t look dehydrated. No blood work, no fluids, no physical examination. Not even a cup of water.

I fainted in the parking lot on the way out.

That got their attention.

Broken Rubber

Dispatched out at 0115 for “injured person.” Arrived to find a 16 y/o female who, in a low voice, said, “My boyfriend’s rubber just broke and I need a pregnancy test.”

Dispatched out at 0115 for “injured person.” Arrived to find a 16 y/o female who, in a low voice, said, “My boyfriend’s rubber just broke and I need a pregnancy test.”