ERtards: Documenting the retards that visit the emergency room.

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- Concept : This is a place for you to vent about your experiences. There are no taboo subjects, so feel free to vent as we know there are a lot of goobers out there. Remember, there are plenty of medical professionals that are total tards too. So this is open to patients as well as staff members.
- If your story isn't published on our website, it is likely because it contains racist comments or poor spelling. Anything else we are pretty ok with.

Category: ER_Staff

It was long long time ago. Patient presents to county hospital with severe headache while wearing cylinder hat. When triaged and it was his time to be examined, he was found dead with a knife in his head, hidden by cylinder hat. Sounds like he deserved the Darwin award...

#1314 (1) - Feb 26, 2010 11:40 AM by Anonymous - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (52) - I dunno, seems legit. (32)

Inner city patient presents to ER with GSW. When asked about NPO status, he responds that he had McDonalds hamburger after been shot, since "last time you didn't allow me to eat before the surgery".

#1313 (0) - Feb 26, 2010 11:35 AM by Anonymous - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (56) - I dunno, seems legit. (6)

I work for a public ALS EMS district that does 911 calls and emergent transfers. Upon picking a patient up off the hospital floor for a transfer, I had a registered nurse tell me she hadn't given the patient any pain meds in several hours because the patient was allergic to them. Wondering why you'd give them in the first place if she was allergic to them, I requested she describe allergy. "Well I gave her 2mg of Haldol and 2mg of Morphine @1230 and she developed an altered mental status!"

#1247 (0) - Feb 7, 2010 02:12 AM by Retard Nurses - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (79) - I dunno, seems legit. (8)

On rescue squad's write up of pt hx: "pt had a vowel replaced in his heart", now which vowel was it, "E" or "A"?

#1210 (0) - Feb 4, 2010 04:08 PM by Anonymous - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (76) - I dunno, seems legit. (16)

At school I broke into awful hives I went to the Health Center at my University where a Dr told me I had eaten something and it was just an allergic reaction, take some benedryl it would go away. 4 miserable days later I went to the ER where I was told I was on crystal meth and people on crystal meth think bugs are crawling on them and itch (I don't do drugs), they gave me the # 4 rehab . When I finally found a competent doctor they diagnosed me with Scabies. Gross but uh NOT allergies or METH.

#1097 (0) - Dec 27, 2009 03:44 PM by Anonymous - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (86) - I dunno, seems legit. (45)

While giving report on a patient they just brought in a paramedic states that "the patient has no past history of suicides."

#1078 (0) - Dec 17, 2009 05:43 PM by Anonymous - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (69) - I dunno, seems legit. (28)

A friend of mine was on her first day of ER orientation as a Tech. She failed to eat breakfast or drink anything. While watching a procedure she walked out of the room and passed out in the hallway. She got backboarded, C-spined, and a CT, then sent home. All the while being given a hard time by the ER staff for passing out during her first day working in the ER. This is why you make sure to eat and drink during a 12 hour shift!

#1051 (0) - Dec 9, 2009 10:55 AM by Anonymous - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (52) - I dunno, seems legit. (19)

One of the doctors at work once gave a student a urine specimen to test. She dipped it and it showed very very large glucose. The doctor then opened the lid of the jar and drank the contents. It was apple juice

#996 (1) - Nov 24, 2009 12:27 PM by lol - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (12) - I dunno, seems legit. (119)

A young guy comes into the ED looking for a prostate exam at 3 am (b/c that's an emergency). The Doc asks if he knows what it entails, to which the reply is "No". So the Doc takes off his pager, turns it on and off and as it makes several beeping noises he runs it up and down the patient (in a Star Trek fashion) and tells him his prostate is all good! He was delighted and left!

#995 (0) - Nov 24, 2009 12:18 PM by Anonymous - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (45) - I dunno, seems legit. (71)

A 90 year old woman who asked me where her clitoris was. Anyone who could keep a straight face in that situation is a champ. I clearly didn't.

#988 (0) - Nov 24, 2009 11:57 AM by Anonymous - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (51) - I dunno, seems legit. (75)

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