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Category: Sex

patient's wife was away at a nearby casino and he was having a little fun time alone at home. She got a call to come to the ED. He had an 8 inch hot pink dildo lodged where the sun won't shine. After extraction, she actually carried it home for him in her purse. After a while, nothing surprises you.

#1287 (0) - Feb 21, 2010 12:57 PM by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (65) - I dunno, seems legit. (14)

Had a woman come in 0200 had been screwing around and boyfriend almost bit off her nipple. She was going to tell her husband she found a lump and came in to us to remove it.

#1286 (0) - Feb 21, 2010 12:54 PM by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (60) - I dunno, seems legit. (6)

40 y/o female arrived to ER as trauma patient with "Vaginal injury". Turns out, she was standing with one foot on a chair and one foot on her bed and masturbating using her bedpost as her toy. Chair broke and she went down on bedpost. Much vaginal tearing. Did I mention she weighed a good 250?

#1241 (0) - Feb 6, 2010 05:14 PM by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (77) - I dunno, seems legit. (16)

I am triaging a woman with a terrified look on her face. "i'm having a purple vaginal discharge". I wanted to ask if she had a grape filling.

#1231 (0) - Feb 6, 2010 02:43 PM by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (64) - I dunno, seems legit. (40)

Teenage girl comes in and tells me she needs her period stopped. She had a school dance to attend the next day. Darwin might have been giving her a free pass here.

#1230 (0) - Feb 6, 2010 02:41 PM by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (87) - I dunno, seems legit. (2)

Female patient was having sex with her boyfriend in the shower when she brushed up against her razor resulting in minor abrasions on her buttocks.

#1217 (0) - Feb 6, 2010 02:05 PM by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (79) - I dunno, seems legit. (24)

I saw an elderly woman last night in our ED. I was reviewing her surgical history and asked if she had been bedridden after her hip fracture. She replied "Not since my husband was alive..." Wow.

#1142 (1) - Jan 14, 2010 10:17 PM by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (41) - I dunno, seems legit. (75)

PT comes in after one night with the boys, he brings with him a battery operated lava lamp that had been deeply inserted into his rectum. Had to send him to the OR for it to be surgically removed. Good news is the lamp still worked!

#1125 (0) - Jan 6, 2010 07:55 PM by Irish - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (84) - I dunno, seems legit. (16)

Male comes in tells registration his chief complaint is he doesn't feel well... then he comes in and and tells us in triage that he needs a std check and then he mutters under his breath... "ugh... new years eve was really crazy." then not even 5 mins later, 2 more guys come in for std checks... they must of all had a great new years : )

#1123 (0) - Jan 5, 2010 11:27 PM by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (61) - I dunno, seems legit. (17)

I triaged a teenage patient who was convinced he was going blind because he was seeing spots. His parents caught him masturbating the week before and told him he was going to go blind if he continued and he believed it was finally happening.

#1087 (0) - Dec 25, 2009 01:48 PM by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (97) - I dunno, seems legit. (8)


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