Well, at least he is a man now
It was not even 7 months after I had graduated HS, and graduated from first responder to EMT-B. Me and My Medic had gotten a call for a Seizure at the Holiday Inn at about 2030. PD was en route and had beaten us there.
We arrive on Scene and immediately get the cancel and return to post. Me and my partner decide to check it out anyway.
I immediately spotted my Cop cousin who was obviously trying to stifle a laugh. I then immediately spotted an young women I had encountered before at many parties in HS and had come to know that she would in fact sleep with any warm, breathing thing. Up until now I had always thought of her as attractive, I wouldn’t touch it with the glow worm gear but still.
Well the second party that came out of the motel room was the super super super senior of my class. This guy was convinced he was almost 300 years old, and had a variety of accents… none of which he could maintain for more then 15 seconds. This male had a body comparable to a bear….only in girth. He donned only a motel bed sheet.
My cousin then proceeded to tell me the story… apparently this young women had made “a man” out of the individual. Well since this was his first time… he had studied up by watching an adult video… so he decided to do a move known as “donkey punching”… he knocked her out at her climax…. and being inexperienced thought it was a seizure.
He not only left that day a man…but with a assault charge and my respect for doing what many of us had thought about doing for years.
Patient is in “stable” condition
29 yo Male 911 call for traumatic injuries. Turns out that in some bizarre sex game he’s pushed 3 toy horses into his rectum. Took him in and the doctors immediately listed his condition as “Stable”
Frequent Flyer Guest
Frequent flier psych pt (not currently suicidal/homicidal) in the waiting room becomes aggressive towards other pts, so he’s escorted to the quiet room usually used for grieving families. Triage nurse goes in to check on him 30 min later, only to find him masturbating while looking through the two-way mirror at the receptionist. He is told to leave. If you feel well enough to jerk-off, you don’t need to be seen in the ER.
Female calls the ER
Female calls the ER at about 0600 with a question. She said that she and her boyfriend had sex and now they could not find the condom. She stated that they had “looked everywhere” and wanted to know if she should come to the ER or “wait to pee it out.” After resisting the urge to tell her that if she “peed” it out she had more iasues than we could help her with, I advised her to call her PCP office when they opened and assured her she would be OK until then.
911 dispatch to a sy
911 dispatch to a syncope call, when my female partner and I get to the door she is the only one allowed in. After about 5 minutes she exits the apartment laughing with the AMA signed. It turns out the couple were enjoying a little oral sex when he got light headed and passed out. I suggested we go back and tell him to marry her.
A 55 yo patient with
A 55 yo patient with torsion of ovary – she came in twice, each time with a different ovary. So she says – doc, can a really big penis cause this? I hafta stop having sex so I don’t come to the hospital so often!
My unit arrives on s
My unit arrives on scene, and I walk into the room to find a 70something year old male who was sounding with a toothbrush. (For those of you not in the know, sounding is the insertion of objects into the urethra for sexual pleasure.) Our patient inserted the toothbrush bristle end first (I have no idea how) and could not get it back out. We had to transport to the local ER, and explain to the staff how the he got a toothbrush stuck in his penis.
20YO F presented to
20YO F presented to Emerg Gyn Clinic. Letter from GP stated lacerations to the vagina. Cause- her boyfriend -also present at visit had decided to use a crisp (potato chips) packet as they had no condoms.