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Category: Funny

An elderly man has rectal bleeding and calls his primary to schedule an appt. He doesn't tell them he's bleeding profusely. They schedule him for an appt in a month. He decides this is too long of a wait. What do you do with bleeding? Cauterize it. So he jams his wife's curling iron in his ass and plugs it in. Cooks his innards and passes out on the floor. EMS has to breakdown the door to get to him. Surgery pulled the curling iron out performed an AP resection and the guy lived.

#1513 (1) - Jul 16, 2010 05:45 PM by h00ter - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (57) - I dunno, seems legit. (12)

I was verifying a little boy's identity in triage by asking, "What's your date of birth?" He answered, " May 2nd." I asked, "What year?" and his answer? "Well, EVERY year, silly!"

#1510 (0) - Jul 14, 2010 09:47 PM by JulieRN - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (38) - I dunno, seems legit. (39)

CC: "Choked on a biscuit" (obviously there was not enough mustard on it)

#1508 (0) - Jul 12, 2010 01:28 PM by Cash - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (34) - I dunno, seems legit. (6)

on one of our 24 hours shifts, our first call of the day was a woman from a local living facility for MR people for a "spoon stuck in her mouth with severe hemorhaging." We get there and the girl had one of those rubber-covered end spoons suctioned under her tongue in her lower pallate and had broken her tooth when she bit down on the metal handle... staff couldnt get it out...took doc about 3 minutes to pry it out-- and she never bled.

#1506 (0) - Jul 12, 2010 08:15 AM by rnemt - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (58) - I dunno, seems legit. (5)

A young lady came in after a minor accident in shopping mall parking lot. She c/o severe toe pain "to all her toes" " both feet". So the EMT splinted both feet with IV arm boards(long ones). I asked, as she rolled by the desk on a stretcher "down high or cross country" accident. Every one at desk laughed... Of course her toes were fine!! X-ray machines can cure a lot , every notice how someone can get up and walk after you tell them there is no fracture!

#1505 (0) - Jul 11, 2010 04:38 PM by Anonymous - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (45) - I dunno, seems legit. (8)

woman clearly faking seizures for the fourth time in a week... "I am in status dammit! Give me valium! Don't you idiots know what status is?!"

#1478 (0) - Jun 21, 2010 03:15 PM by Anonymous - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (96) - I dunno, seems legit. (11)

Pt. went into the doctor complaining of a severe fever, swollen glands and sore throat. They wouldn't admit the patient because she didnt have health insurance. Turns out the pt had mono.

#1472 (0) - Jun 17, 2010 03:43 AM by JR - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (49) - I dunno, seems legit. (63)

One patient came in ALS and two others BLS where they were either tachycardic and hallucinating, or just plain sedated. The report from the paramedics was they all ate brownies an hour ago and began vomiting uncontrollably with syncopal episodes. The lady who was ALS has a history of cancer and saw a "naturalist" who gave her the brownies to help her with treatment. All of them had a urine tox with cannabis in it :)

#1471 (0) - Jun 17, 2010 02:11 AM by Anonymous - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (21) - I dunno, seems legit. (86)

Today a woman came into the ER complaining her "coochie cat was snotting". I couldn't help but chuckle

#1470 (0) - Jun 16, 2010 08:45 PM by Anonymous - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (83) - I dunno, seems legit. (4)

Quote from pt.'s wife for a cardiac related EMS call "... A****(pt. name) just tell them the truth, you where cleaning your genitals in the shower; thats why your defibilator went off..." Honest to goodness, I swear if my pt. had enough strength to get up he would have strangled his wife.

#1439 (0) - May 19, 2010 08:36 PM by Anonymous - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (61) - I dunno, seems legit. (16)


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