Browsing articles in "Complete Idiots"

Pack a Day

Dispatched to a difficulty breathing call. Arrive on scene and find male patient in no distress. En route to the hospital we find out that he has emphysema and bronchitis. Also find out that he continues to smoke 3 packs a day…


Nothin’ On My Skin

Woman comes to the ER and tox screen comes back positive for benzos, opiates and pot. When offered a nicotine patch (since she can’t go out to smoke), she refused, stating: “I don’t want nothin’ on my skin that gonna harm me!”

Become a Vegan and Grow a Beard

Got a call for a behavioral patient last night. Arrived on scene and was told (in fearful tones) by the father that his son was becoming a terrorist. How did he know this? Because his son had become a vegan and grown a beard. Yes, apparently these are signs of a terrorist-in-training. The kid was just annoyed to be woken up, and the father nearly attacked us, claiming that we were trying to pin responsibility for all those people his son would (no doubt) kill on the family.

Earring Back

23 y/o female presents to the ER at 2 am because she was unable to unscrew the back off of her earring and her ear was beginning to hurt.

Lose His Shit

Patient states that he “doesn’t know if I slept funny but my neck hurts.” He then proceeded to lose his shit and yell at the triage nurse when a 6-year-old with a broken arm was seen before him.

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