23 y/o female presents to the ER at 2 am because she was unable to unscrew the back off of her earring and her ear was beginning to hurt.
Patient states that he “doesn’t know if I slept funny but my neck hurts.” He then proceeded to lose his shit and yell at the triage nurse when a 6-year-old with a broken arm was seen before him.
EMS dispatched to home for “unresponsive” patient. Roommate states patient had not slept in three days but was unresponsive on couch. EMS found male patient lounging in recliner, snoring. They woke patient from sleep, obtained refusal signature, and refrained from telling roommate she’s a moron.
Pt: “The wait is too long, we’re going to go out for dinner and will come back. Can you give us a call?”
Pt: “I’ve had itchy eyes for 11 years.”
RN: “And what makes this an emergency today?”