Why is that a person comes in with Abd pain and the first thing out of their mouth is"can I have something to eat" why, yes you can just get out of my bed and walk your ass to McDes. So your pain is 10 out of 10 and you are 300+ then maybe I have found your problem.
People coming in because of constipation is common. However, this fellow had an interesting way to cure it. He shoved an apple up his ass thinking when the apple dissolved so would his poopie problem.
My personal favourite is the guy who tried to book in at 4am because he had an itchy finger. Made my night. I wanted to hand him something with a trigger.. heh
I had a patient who presented to the ED for a bruise on her foot of unknown origin. The doctor went to examine her and immediately came out of the room shaking his head. "Would you please go wash the dirt of off her foot and send her home?" That was all he said.
Last week some idiot came in asking for a physical. Ya, this is an emergency room not a family doctor office.