Lady needs a bed as she was having a miscarriage and I said to her “The bed will be available in a minute, just waiting for the body in it to leave” I then quickly added “Live body” luckily her and her husband laughed.
I work as a porter in an ER and while about to transfer a patient to the floor I ask if they have all their belongings with them. They say yes but I don’t see any shoes “what about you’re shoes”. Patient removes blankets to reveal a double amputation. Go me.
A 90 year old woman who asked me where her clitoris was. Anyone who could keep a straight face in that situation is a champ. I clearly didn’t.
Overheard in hallway pt: “Have you ever seen one this big?” nurse: “ive seen some big ones but yours is impressive” pt had an abcess on his back.
I brought my friend to ER for a concussion. I know first aid that’s but I was worried he might not wake up again if he passed out. I left for a minute to call his family. One of the guards, who was supposed to weed out the idiots from an always-crowded ER, kicked him out for being drunk, and shouted at him until he wandered away. He lived, but still… you would think the guards would know first aid and common conditions, at least.