Patient came to ER stating, “I need a blue ribbon test ’cause my baby was born jealous.”
After thinking about what she was asking, it turns out she meant, “I need a bilirubin test because my baby is jaundice.”
Young guy w CC of “Bump on rectum” I examine him and find a veritable briar patch of HPV all over the rectum and perineum(he’s in the fetal position with his back to me)..I tap him on the shoulder and he looks back at me.”Are u homosexual?”I ask,He thinks a moment and shakes his head “No”.I ponder this a moment, and tap him on the shoulder again…he looks back.”Do men put their penises in your rectum?” “Sometimes!” he replies, and turns away, I tap his shoulder “That means you are homosexual!”
I saw a patient in triage who said, ” I have a bad crack habit, I need to lick it!
I went in to register a pt and asked if there was any accident or injury involved..his response “NO I’m just not able to pass gas like, it is really hard to, when I think I have to it doesn’t come out.” Pt lets out this HUGE fart….then continues to tell me ” like that, I had to try really hard for that, do you think I am going to be ok?” this guy was dead freakin serious
Had a young girl come in screaming about a terrible headache with the mom yelling at us. she wasn’t cooperative during her exam. She kept on screaming forever. Turns out her weave was done earlier that day and it was too tight!