I saw a patient in triage who said, ” I have a bad crack habit, I need to lick it!
Pt comes in with complaints of back pain. After examination, nothing is wrong and dr gives motrin. When the pt realizes he was not getting narcs he decides he needs to use the restroom. The ER had been packed all night and we didn’t notice right away that pt didn’t return. ED got a call a hour later that our run away had been found wandering the 5th floor looking for his “friend” who he needed something from. Turns out his dealer was admitted the day before.
While working triage, I had a young guy came in handcuffed by police, pants were shredded from ass to ankle. When asked what brought him in the the ER, he proceeded to tell me that it was his 1 year anniversary with his girlfriend. He wanted to make it romantic, so the broke into Phipps Conservatory (a big beautiful greenhouse in Pittsburgh where alot of people get married) to have sex in the flowers. Well they set off the silent alarms and the cops showed up with the dogs. Didn’t even get laid.
I went in to register a pt and asked if there was any accident or injury involved..his response “NO I’m just not able to pass gas like, it is really hard to, when I think I have to it doesn’t come out.” Pt lets out this HUGE fart….then continues to tell me ” like that, I had to try really hard for that, do you think I am going to be ok?” this guy was dead freakin serious
Had a young girl come in screaming about a terrible headache with the mom yelling at us. she wasn’t cooperative during her exam. She kept on screaming forever. Turns out her weave was done earlier that day and it was too tight!