Teeny Weenie

An 18-year-old presents in the ER with a “small penis” and he is scared something bad has happened. Turns out he was swimming in a cold swimming pool and was promptly told to go home.

An 18-year-old presents in the ER with a “small penis” and he is scared something bad had happened. Turns out he was swimming in a cold swimming pool and was promptly told to go home.

Sorry, I had to mow the lawn

A young woman with funky purple hair styled into a punk rock mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing entered the ER c/o severe abdominal pain.

A young woman with funky purple hair styled into a punk rock mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing entered the ER c/o severe abdominal pain. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was placed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, “Keep off the grass.”

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient‘s dressing, which said, “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”

Help me, I’m homeless

A homeless guy came to the ER one night because he was living on the beach. I told him that is great and I wish I could live on the beach like him: no utilities, no stuff, nice climate, worst thing you worry about is rain and there is shelter nearby.

A homeless guy came to the ER one night because he was living on the beach. I told him that is great and I wish I could live on the beach like him: no utilities, no stuff, nice climate, worst thing you worry about is rain and there is shelter nearby.

He became angry of course, until I gave him what he really wanted: a meal box, a Percocet, and prescription refills. Funny how that combination cures all things. Tell me again, how is your home situation my emergency?

Special Brownies

A diabetic woman in her 80’s with altered mental status is admitted and we run tests. We realize she was just stoned and the woman and her whole family react angrily.

A diabetic woman in her 80’s with altered mental status is admitted and we run tests. We realize she was just stoned and the woman and her whole family react angrily.

Explanation: She sneaks sweets whenever she can, so she ate some brownies she’d found in the fridge and didn’t want to admit it. Obviously, they were pot brownies.