ERtards: Documenting the retards that visit the emergency room.

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- Concept : This is a place for you to vent about your experiences. There are no taboo subjects, so feel free to vent as we know there are a lot of goobers out there. Remember, there are plenty of medical professionals that are total tards too. So this is open to patients as well as staff members.
- If your story isn't published on our website, it is likely because it contains racist comments or poor spelling. Anything else we are pretty ok with.

Worst Visits

last night- woman comes in with vaginal bleeding. Of course, our first though was why didn't she just go see her gynie, etc. But her case just goes to show that there's always that one in a million that is actually an emergency. She was over 40, got a new- apparently better than average endowed- boyfriend, and had sex for the first time in 2 years. He literally tore her up, she bled until she passed out. We gave her lots of fluids and 8 stitches to the hootchie!

#439 (0) by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (25) - I dunno, seems legit. (549)

A woman was giving an injured squirrel medical care at 0300, but apparently didn't obtain consent, because the vermin bit her on the thumb. Brought it in, still alive, in a box, insisting that it be checked for rabies. Told her we aren't a vet, and we don't do animal testing, and herbivores don't carry rabies.

#453 (2) by NurseJ - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (98) - I dunno, seems legit. (498)

One evening while doing registration, I had an officer bring in an inmate. His complaint was rectal bleeding. After he sat down I had to go in back to laugh. Must have dropped the soap.

#602 (3) by Anonymous - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (26) - I dunno, seems legit. (265)

We had a kid come in who swallowed a couple of industrial strength magnets, and had a perforated small bowel with necrosis because two of them connected in the small intestine.

#346 (1) by sticky - Accidents - Get back to the waiting room (48) - I dunno, seems legit. (264)

A nice young lady gets hit by a car, has an open fracture. She gives a citizen her iphone to call 911. They take off w/ her iphone. First time i felt bad for someone in a long time.

#293 (0) by Anonymous - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (24) - I dunno, seems legit. (246)

Was cleaning up after a pt received 20 stitches to his leg. I asked what happened. He said he got in a car wreck and noticed the girl in the other car was screaming. So ran to the car and kicked out the window to get her out. She then opened the car door to show that she was not trapped but had broken her arm.

#520 (0) by freckleface - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (50) - I dunno, seems legit. (226)

While scanning over a patients ER admitting sheet I noticed that on the race line the patient marked - "human". Love it.

#569 (0) by supertech - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (39) - I dunno, seems legit. (215)

Had a drunk who had been beaten bad brought in by EMS on a spine board. Doc cleared him off the board, so the case nurse got some of us to help her roll him off. She said 'Hun, we're gonna turn you over' and he asked 'To who?'

#483 (0) by Anonymous - Drunks - Get back to the waiting room (19) - I dunno, seems legit. (213)

We picked up a frequent flier one night who called 911 because he was hearing voices. At first he was just hearing music but knew there was a problem when his air conditioner started yelling at him.

#508 (0) by boby5scrws - That_Was_Random - Get back to the waiting room (40) - I dunno, seems legit. (208)

Patient comes into ER for a vibrator stuck in his Ass. The ER physician can feel the vibrations coming through the man's abdomen and cannot retrieve it so he consults a surgeon who comes in to see patient and takes him for surgery. Just prior to the surgery, The surgeon asks the patient "alright when I get in here do you want me to remove it or change the batteries!" fucking hilarious and I love this surgeon.

#429 (0) by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (85) - I dunno, seems legit. (202)

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