Quote from my patient " my baby daddys other baby mamma bit my ear off"
a few years ago a 55 y/o male called 911 because he cut himself shaving and it was bleeding. when me and my partner responded and took the time to explain to him how to apply toilet paper, and explained he would be ok and it happens. then I asked if he still wanted to go to the ED. he told us yes because he was worried he needed stitches and it might get infected.
One night a fat Biker guy was brought in by the paramedics. Despite wearing lots of leather gear, he looked shredded. You could smell the Tequila thru the double entrance doors. We scramble and get him into the trauma room, where he eventually regains consciousness. The State Patrol asks what happens, and all he remembers his that he got off his bike to take a piss. The Patrolman asks how fast he was going before he stopped, the guy answers “oh, man, I think I forgot to stop first.”
Maybe apocryphal, but guy in the ER with his boyfriend–had inserted a live goldfish in his butt…trying to withdraw it, the scales locked it in place. The attending walked around the table, bent for a closer look and said “Son, you gotta learn to chew your food better.”
2am Friday, mother brings in her 12 year old son because "he is too short".