We picked up a frequent flier one night who called 911 because he was hearing voices. At first he was just hearing music but knew there was a problem when his air conditioner started yelling at him.
I work in ER registration and those of you who work in this field know that we have multiple jobs. Our ambulance crew is based out of the same office so when they’re on a call or just not in the office, we act as dispatchers. One night our crew was gone and 911 called. I answered and couldn’t help notice that the 911 dispatcher was laughing. The call was about a lady that had apparently removed her catheter and was trying to replace it with tubing from a pipe cleaner. What a tard!
A woman brought her six-year-old child into the ED at eight in the morning. The child had vomit all over himself, and was crying profusely and complaining that his chest hurt. He’d swallowed the toothpaste instead of spitting it out while brushing his teeth before school, and his mother had shoved her fingers down to make him puke (she said “about a dozen times”) and then had proceeded to give him the Heimlich hard enough to crack two of his ribs.
I do intefacility transfers (mostly to behavioral health centers) and on one occasion I was met in the ED by a grinning RN. Handing me an apron she continued to explain that my patient was a “chronic masturbator” and then wished me luck with my 45 min. trip…
Had a male nurse go into a curtained room with a female tech to get a cath urine from an elderly demented lady. With curtain pulled he explains he needs a cath urine and patient agrees to the procedure. You hear him say “ok we are going to clean you up down here” and proceeded to use the betadyn when she yells “are you licking me!”