A dang hangnail?
Had a very distraught Mom bring her 2 year old child into ER with CC of ”foot pain”. Mom stated that child cried, pulled at shoes and cried when walking. I pulled off the child’s shoe and sock to examine the foot, and child had a hangnail on his big toe! Tx- cut hangnail! Cant believe mom waited 4 hours in lobby to be seen for kids hangnail! Why didnt mom look at kids foot herself before bringing him to ER?
Are you diabetic?
Got called to a Taco Bell for a possible diabetic emergency. PD is on scene and states that she is a possible DUI, however he states that she is a diabetic, so they are concerned about pressing forward if it has nothing to do with ETOH. The following is an actual converstation.
Paramedic; “Are you diabetic?”
PT; ” Yes”
Paramedic: “Ok, Which type?”
PT; (sobbing) “I don\’t know!”
Paramedic; “Bullshit.” After checking her FSBS, talking to the officer “Her BG is 86, Its good, You can give her the DUI.”
PT; “NO! I have multiple scoliosis!!”
Paramedic; “Oh, wow… Is that like multiple sclerosis, or more like scoliosis?”
PT now has a dumb founded look on her face.
Let the Lord heal your baby
We keep our psych patients in the hallways to keep a close eye on them. Yesterday, as one psych’s wrist lacerations were being stapled, she was wailing and crying. Another psych patient was trying to calm her by saying “Let the Lord heal your baby” and “Amen, I can feel the power“. We all about died laughing…
Patient is in “stable” condition
29 yo Male 911 call for traumatic injuries. Turns out that in some bizarre sex game he’s pushed 3 toy horses into his rectum. Took him in and the doctors immediately listed his condition as “Stable”
Kentucky Jelly
I was caring for a young woman and asked, “So how‘s your breakfast this morning”?
“It‘s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can‘t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
Sorry, I had to mow the lawn
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with funky purple hair styled into a punk rock mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, “Keep off the grass.”
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient‘s dressing, which said, “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”
Dad is a moron
9 y/o m brought in by dad. C/o pain during & after urination. pt uncircumsized. Dx is balinitis. Dad never taught the kid how to clean himself. Rx for nystatin cream & self care instruction provided. Kid was OK. Dad is a moron.
Help me, I am homeless
A homeless guy actually came to the ER one early spring night because he was living on the beach on Davis Island. I told him that is great, and I wish I could live on the beach like him: no utilities, no stuff, nice climate, worst thing you worry about is rain and there is shelter nearby. He became angry of course, until I gave him what he really wanted: a meal box, a Percocet, and prescription refills. Funny how that combination cures all things. How is your home situation my emergency?