Male patient calls 911 for shortness of breath because his jock itch was hurting too much…
Female presents with vaginal bleeding. Imagine my surprise when I go to do the exam and see a VISA card lodged in her vagina.
Female comes in to the ED with a complaint of 6 mosquito bites to the lower leg. She states she is sure that they are mosquito bites because it’s summer, she was outside at night and she saw and felt each mosquito as she was bitten. When asked if she has ever been bitten by a mosquito before and why she thinks this is an emergency, the patient replies, “Yes, I’ve been bitten by mosquitoes before but I’ve never had 6 bites on the same leg.”
I have a chronic illness and end up in the ER often for acute exacerbation of tachycardia and dehydration. Anyways, I was sitting in the ER and heard a girl in the hall saying she had chest pain and was breathing loudly. The doctor said he would give her morphine but that it is just a strained muscle. She calmed down and began breathing normally and called a few buddies. Meanwhile, I am severely dehydrated and alarms are going off on my heart monitor and the same doctor has the balls to tell me I am not an emergency since I also have a chronic illness!
Psych pt states, “I am shooting babies out of my ass and y’all are jealous.”