Psych pt states, “I am shooting babies out of my ass and y’all are jealous.”
Pt picked up by EMS outside a liquor store for ‘sick’ complaint. EMS found nothing other than intoxication as a complaint; no trauma/CP/NV/etc. At triage pt reports “water intoxication” and inability to walk while walking to the bathroom. When pt emerged he stated he had been cured and “just needed to pee”. He then went immediately to his bed and asked for food and a drink.
Patient comes in to ER complaining of STD symptoms for a month. He was seen and treated the previous month for same symptoms. Pt responds, “I only took the first dose of pills that I was given, I didn’t know I had to take the rest.”
Extremely large patient comes in by ambulance with chest pains and saying she had a heart attack. The story turns out that she ate a bunch of spicy food and sat in a hot tub for a few hours. After assessment, we determined that her heart was fine and the chest pains were from acid reflex.
Female patient was sitting at home watching the local news when the news did a piece about “THE RISING PERIL OF OBESITY” in society. She got so worked up that she called 911 and demanded an ambulance ride, which she got, even though her only medical complaint was “excess weight”.