ERtards: Documenting the retards that visit the emergency room.

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- Concept : This is a place for you to vent about your experiences. There are no taboo subjects, so feel free to vent as we know there are a lot of goobers out there. Remember, there are plenty of medical professionals that are total tards too. So this is open to patients as well as staff members.
- If your story isn't published on our website, it is likely because it contains racist comments or poor spelling. Anything else we are pretty ok with.

Random Visits

Dispatched via 911 to local nursing home for High Fever with secondary of possible UTI. Arrived to find pt in bed under about 6 heavy blankets. Nursing staff stated pt fever was 98.8 (98.6 is national average temp). nursing staff said they knew it was a UTI because 6 months ago she had a fever and UTI. In ambulance pt said she felt fine, and that the nursing staff was mad at her because she had rang the help bell too many times today.

#1427 (1) by Anonymous - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (74) - I dunno, seems legit. (18)

20ish female....celebrating birthday........presented to emergency department with a condom lost in her vagina. u all can fill in the blanks........on top ofthat she called for an ambulance.....

#148 (0) by megs - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (57) - I dunno, seems legit. (8)

A pregnant woman comes in smelling of cigarette smoke and demands to be seen. She wants her unborn baby examined "for injuries" and wants a copy of the chart for her lawsuit. She was going to file suit against her neighbor for hiring builders to add an addition to his home. Apparently the construction noise is harmful to her baby since "they hear everything and it scares them".

#588 (0) by Anonymous - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (189) - I dunno, seems legit. (3)

Had a pt that sign in yesterday cause they dropped a toothpick on their foot.

#1366 (0) by Anonymous - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (109) - I dunno, seems legit. (3)

A psych patient listed her allergies as "rock and roll, AC/DC, penicillin, cotton, and FIRE".

#595 (0) by Ash - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (76) - I dunno, seems legit. (53)

Overheard in hallway pt: "Have you ever seen one this big?" nurse: "ive seen some big ones but yours is impressive" pt had an abcess on his back.

#946 (0) by Anonymous - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (64) - I dunno, seems legit. (13)

Alright, since winter is coming in the northern hemisphere it means that the flu season is starting. With all the media attention to swine flu we get a lot of people thinking they have it. This case wasn't one of them. A 20 something girl comes in and says she feels like she has the flu but is certain that it's not swine flu. When I asked how she's certain she doesn't have swine flu she said " because i'm a vegetarian" and rolls her eyes at me.

#795 (0) by Anonymous - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (202) - I dunno, seems legit. (3)

Female calls the ER at about 0600 with a question. She said that she and her boyfriend had sex and now they could not find the condom. She stated that they had "looked everywhere" and wanted to know if she should come to the ER or "wait to pee it out." After resisting the urge to tell her that if she "peed" it out she had more iasues than we could help her with, I advised her to call her PCP office when they opened and assured her she would be OK until then.

#1519 (0) by errn53 - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (43) - I dunno, seems legit. (7)

Police brought in a patient who had decided to resist arrest and his handcuffs became too tight. Now because the patient had resisted arrest so vigorously, the key was broken off in the lock. Fire department used bolt cutters on one handcuff to remove, but the other just wouldn't come off. So, of course, the ER was the logical place to bring the drunken felon where I could be his nurse. He left with a new set of cuffs.

#383 (1) by Anonymous - Drunks - Get back to the waiting room (29) - I dunno, seems legit. (43)

I saw a chap a few days ago with a sore knee. Called an ambulance to take him to ER. Waited for about 40 mins then decided it was too long so went home. 3 hours later his knee was still sore so he called another ambulance.

#172 (1) by Karla - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (42) - I dunno, seems legit. (1)

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