ERtards: Documenting the retards that visit the emergency room.

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- Concept : This is a place for you to vent about your experiences. There are no taboo subjects, so feel free to vent as we know there are a lot of goobers out there. Remember, there are plenty of medical professionals that are total tards too. So this is open to patients as well as staff members.
- If your story isn't published on our website, it is likely because it contains racist comments or poor spelling. Anything else we are pretty ok with.

Random Visits

I work as a porter in an ER and while about to transfer a patient to the floor I ask if they have all their belongings with them. They say yes but I don't see any shoes "what about you're shoes". Patient removes blankets to reveal a double amputation. Go me.

#986 (0) by Anonymous - ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (76) - I dunno, seems legit. (58)

28 yo single male comes in at 3am because he wore up with a sore left ear (which has now gone) AND has the balls to abuse the Triage nurse because it took longer than 15 minutes to see him and he's tired DUH!!! its 3AM!!!! Everyone is tired! GO HOME!

#108 (0) by Devon - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (36) - I dunno, seems legit. (0)

My fav so far - A women used an aerosol can to masturbate and the lid came off and got stuck....she tried to have her kids remove it, but they were unsuccessful so the surgeon did!

#214 (0) by Melly - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (120) - I dunno, seems legit. (4)

Last week we had a 14 year old come with a broken wrist from falling off his bike. He had the scrapes on his arm to prove it. When i walked in to do my assessment I asked how the accident happened. The mother replied with "too much masturbation". haha. the kid turned bright red and wouldn't look me in the eye.

#604 (0) by Anonymous - Funny - Get back to the waiting room (35) - I dunno, seems legit. (79)

Today, this middle aged guy walks in and says he's "got a splinter in his heel!" how long has it been there? 7 months. how is this an emergency today?

#11 (0) by Nicole - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (35) - I dunno, seems legit. (9)

One night a fat Biker guy was brought in by the paramedics. Despite wearing lots of leather gear, he looked shredded. You could smell the Tequila thru the double entrance doors. We scramble and get him into the trauma room, where he eventually regains consciousness. The State Patrol asks what happens, and all he remembers his that he got off his bike to take a piss. The Patrolman asks how fast he was going before he stopped, the guy answers "oh, man, I think I forgot to stop first."

#501 (0) by TheBedBug - Accidents - Get back to the waiting room (215) - I dunno, seems legit. (17)

So last month we had a guy come in with a roofing nail stuck in his left hand. he said he did it while renovating his house. sounds reasonable.. last week he comes in with the same thing. This was kind of strange so myself and another doctor called local hospital and found out he has had the same injury 8 times in the past 6 months. why would anyone do this? that's right, he wanted narcotics. the lengths people go to to get high.

#361 (0) by Anonymous - That_Was_Random - Get back to the waiting room (105) - I dunno, seems legit. (5)

Female patient was having sex with her boyfriend in the shower when she brushed up against her razor resulting in minor abrasions on her buttocks.

#1217 (0) by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (79) - I dunno, seems legit. (24)

Pt presents with large facial laceration. "I held my poodle up to the mirror and I growled at him!"

#967 (0) by wowy - That_Was_Random - Get back to the waiting room (92) - I dunno, seems legit. (22)

Had a 60ish year old guy come in CO pain in rectum. upon xray notice a vibrator like object in colon...upon further hx gathering the man "fell" in halway and it must have been his daughters...that was a nasty spill...ended up in OR around 0200 to have it removed. lol

#376 (0) by ny rn - Accidents - Get back to the waiting room (52) - I dunno, seems legit. (4)

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