ERtards: Documenting the retards that visit the emergency room.

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- Concept : This is a place for you to vent about your experiences. There are no taboo subjects, so feel free to vent as we know there are a lot of goobers out there. Remember, there are plenty of medical professionals that are total tards too. So this is open to patients as well as staff members.
- If your story isn't published on our website, it is likely because it contains racist comments or poor spelling. Anything else we are pretty ok with.

Random Visits

Patient presents at triage with severe lacerations after bearing weight on a plate glass window with both arms.

#1221 (0) by Anonymous - That_Was_Random - Get back to the waiting room (29) - I dunno, seems legit. (63)

To an 85 y/o male: "Why are you here today?" Response: "I was wrestling with a couple buddies of mine and they got me in a headlock and I hurt my neck so I'm here for xrays." So I said, "Let me get this straight, you were wrestling? When did this happen?" Response: "When I was 10".

#987 (0) by Anonymous - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (106) - I dunno, seems legit. (1)

Teenage girl comes in and tells me she needs her period stopped. She had a school dance to attend the next day. Darwin might have been giving her a free pass here.

#1230 (0) by Anonymous - Sex - Get back to the waiting room (88) - I dunno, seems legit. (2)

Our medic unit gets called for chest pain around 1130pm, a frequently flier meets us at the curb smoking a cigarette. As he gets into the truck I ask, "on a 10 scale, how bad is the pain?" Pt:"I don't think I understand." Me: "Well, what's the worst thing you've ever felt?" Pt: "That would probably be the time when I broke both my feet and both my ankles at the same time." Me: "well, does this feel better or worse that that?" Pt: " I don't rightly know, I was drunk at the time."

#1023 (0) by Anonymous - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (84) - I dunno, seems legit. (24)

A lady came in to my ER this week by ambulance for a toothache...I love that she called 911 for a toothache. Meanwhile, some old guy is dying and can't get an ambulance!

#337 (0) by bucket - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (84) - I dunno, seems legit. (3)

Had a guy last night inform me that he should be seen before Triaged 3s and 4s because he was from a foreign country and deserved better treatment from Canada.

#117 (0) by jenson - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (50) - I dunno, seems legit. (2)

Actually had a patient tell me today she needed two percocet to go so she could pay for her cab ride home.

#450 (0) by Anonymous - That_Was_Random - Get back to the waiting room (275) - I dunno, seems legit. (36)

i was working triage one night when a guy w/ a business suit and his wife (business as well) walk in and close the door. i ask what is the problem as he doesn't look in distress. he said he wanted to know what his colon looked like, so he did what anyone would do and fill a bag of SACK-CRETE up and inserted, waited a while, then ATTEMPTED to pull the mold, only pulling the bag. surgery later removed the 3lb stick of concrete.

#525 (0) by unit687 - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (191) - I dunno, seems legit. (7)

A trauma patient drunk off his ass comes in and as we cut off his cloths to check for other injuries his makes it a point to warn everyone that he has a small penis.

#1240 (0) by Anonymous - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (88) - I dunno, seems legit. (19)

This gem just walked in....28yom c/o "possible STD exposure".. let me quote the chart: "two hours ago -- unprotected fellatio with a female -- unknown status of female -- pt concerned about possible STD". What a tard and an enormous waste of resources.

#610 (1) by rescue1 - Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (103) - I dunno, seems legit. (47)

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