A woman came in with a complaint of pain with urination and suprapubic pain. Simple, right? Get a urine sample and send her on her way with instructions for UTI.
Patient: “Can you recommend a good gynecologist?”
Me: “This is a pretty simple UTI. I can refer you to one, but I don’t think you need a gynecologist.”
Patient: “I think I know why I keep getting UTIs, though, and a gynecologist needs to help me. Ever since I went through menopause, my husband and I need to use something for…(whispered)…lubrication, so we’ve been using gun oil.”
Me: (keeping a straight face and totally maintaining her integrity) “Have you ever heard of K-Y Jelly? You can get that at any store.”
Patient: “I’m afraid I’ll have a reaction to it though.”
Me: “But you weren’t afraid of having a reaction to gun oil????”
Discharge instructions: Stop using gun oil in your vagina.