Browsing articles by " ERtards"
Jan 9, 2017
ERtards

Massive Quantities of Calories

Seen in a consult note for a morbidly obese gentleman with heart failure: “…apparently while his wife was working, Mr. X had been sitting at home consuming massive quantities of calories and not exercising…”

Jan 6, 2017
ERtards

Back Up the Tubes

A guy in his 20’s came in with his fiancee (she forced him to apparently) and stated that he got drunk one night and wanted to “play with himself.” He stated he shoved his testicles “back up the tubes.” Sure enough they were partially lodged in the inguinal canal. The worst part is that he waited 2 YEARS to be seen for it. Ouch!

Jan 6, 2017
ERtards

Discharged for Dehydration

I am wheeled into the ER by my dad because I can’t walk due to the pain in my legs from dehydration. Dehydration, by the way, was my chief complaint. All vitals were consistent with this, and when the doctor came into the room to ask what was wrong, I said I was dehydrated. He looked at me and said “you don’t look like it to me.” Then he turned around and walked out. My dad and I waited another hour for something to happen when finally a nurse came in and said “oh, you’re still here? The doctor discharged you an hour ago.”

$100 to tell me I don’t look dehydrated. No blood work, no fluids, no physical examination. Not even a cup of water.

I fainted in the parking lot on the way out.

That got their attention.

Jan 6, 2017
ERtards

Blood in the Baby’s Stool

A couple brings in their 8 month old stating they saw blood in her stool. First the night before and then that morning, they even brought the diaper so that we could verify. Upon inspection we asked if the child is eating solid foods, then point out that its just tomato skins. The look on their faces was priceless as they admitted child had tomato the day before.

Jun 23, 2013
ERtards

Broken Rubber

Dispatched out at 0115 for “injured person.” Arrived to find a 16 y/o female who, in a low voice, said, “My boyfriend’s rubber just broke and I need a pregnancy test.”

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Most Votes

Seems legit

  1. Hey, there is something in my scrotum! (520)
  2. Are You Diabetic? (318)
  3. Hygiene First! (303)
  4. I'm pregnant, I think! (268)
  5. A dang hangnail? (209)
  6. Can you check these bumps? (176)
  7. A Shocking Ending (169)
  8. My wife, uh, has worms (164)
  9. Help me, I'm homeless (158)
  10. Patient is in "stable" condition (152)
  11. Peeping Psych (149)
  12. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (146)
  13. Yummy! (142)
  14. I pooped and I can't get up! (133)
  15. It's a Mall Emergency! (130)
  16. Broken Rubber (121)
  17. Allergic to Tylenol (121)
  18. Morphine Doesn't Help (110)
  19. Yup, You're Preggers (109)
  20. Airplane vs. Nose (109)

Kind of fishy

  1. Patient's Boot (43)
  2. I'm pregnant, I think! (42)
  3. Sorry, I had to mow the lawn (39)
  4. Hey, there is something in my scrotum! (38)
  5. Patient is in "stable" condition (33)
  6. Cash or Credit? (31)
  7. Kentucky Jelly (30)
  8. My wife, uh, has worms (25)
  9. Broken Rubber (23)
  10. Job Well Done (22)
  11. Airplane vs. Nose (21)
  12. Are You Diabetic? (20)
  13. Peeping Psych (18)
  14. Fresh Breath (18)
  15. Chief complaint: Pine Sol (17)
  16. Super Duper! (17)
  17. Bedpost Toy (17)
  18. Help me, I'm homeless (16)
  19. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (16)
  20. I need to get into my house! (16)

Fake

  1. Kentucky Jelly (605)
  2. Sorry, I had to mow the lawn (562)
  3. Patient is in "stable" condition (250)
  4. When's Your Birthday? (108)
  5. Contraceptive Jelly (93)
  6. They Done Named Her (91)
  7. Spoon in the Ass (75)
  8. Job Well Done (71)
  9. Prostate Exam at 3AM (70)
  10. It Hurts When I Do This (64)
  11. Smells Like Burnt Asshole (64)
  12. My wife, uh, has worms (62)
  13. A New Boy Toy (56)
  14. I overheard a pt in (52)
  15. Magnets in the Floor (50)
  16. Alien Probe (50)
  17. Call it Schizophrenia (48)
  18. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (48)
  19. A pikie bloke comes (48)
  20. Bang for his Buck (47)