Browsing articles in "Drunks"
May 31, 2018
ERTard Team

You’re Lucky Enough to be Alive

A 21 year old kid had just been brought in from a high speed drunk driving accident. Him and his buddies hadn’t been wearing seat belts and on impact my patient was ejected, flew 30 feet and landed on his left side. He had a couple broken bones, but his head was intact, he could walk and would only need to wear a brace and a cast for a couple months. His family comes in said they’d won 50 bucks in the lottery. To which he says, “Man, I never win anything. I’m so unlucky.”

.. I’m sorry.. What?

Apr 26, 2013

Just Needed to Pee

Pt picked up by EMS outside a liquor store for ‘sick’ complaint. EMS found nothing other than intoxication as a complaint; no trauma/CP/NV/etc. At triage pt reports “water intoxication” and inability to walk while walking to the bathroom. When pt emerged he stated he had been cured and “just needed to pee”. He then went immediately to his bed and asked for food and a drink.

Mar 10, 2013

Patient’s Boot

In ED, helping take off a drunk patient’s boots. He was obviously homeless and reeked. As I slipped his boot off I noticed a toe came off with it.

Mar 6, 2013

Red Solo Cup

A woman presented to the ER for detox. She was intoxicated, tearful, and had packed a large duffel bag. About an hour into her medical clearance we noticed she kept drinking from a red Solo cup in her room. Yup she was planning on bringing her own box of wine to rehab.

Mar 5, 2013

Wasted Granny

Grandma came in via ambulance for stroke-like symptoms. Multiple worried and overbearing family members were hovering around staff believing grandma needed exclusive attention from the entire department. Turns out grandma had one too many glasses of wine.


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Most Votes

Seems legit

  1. Hey, there is something in my scrotum! (520)
  2. Are You Diabetic? (319)
  3. Hygiene First! (303)
  4. I'm pregnant, I think! (268)
  5. A dang hangnail? (209)
  6. Can you check these bumps? (176)
  7. A Shocking Ending (169)
  8. My wife, uh, has worms (164)
  9. Help me, I'm homeless (159)
  10. Patient is in "stable" condition (152)
  11. Peeping Psych (149)
  12. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (147)
  13. Yummy! (142)
  14. I pooped and I can't get up! (133)
  15. It's a Mall Emergency! (130)
  16. Broken Rubber (121)
  17. Allergic to Tylenol (121)
  18. Morphine Doesn't Help (110)
  19. Yup, You're Preggers (109)
  20. Airplane vs. Nose (109)

Kind of fishy

  1. Patient's Boot (43)
  2. I'm pregnant, I think! (42)
  3. Sorry, I had to mow the lawn (39)
  4. Hey, there is something in my scrotum! (38)
  5. Patient is in "stable" condition (33)
  6. Cash or Credit? (31)
  7. Kentucky Jelly (30)
  8. My wife, uh, has worms (25)
  9. Broken Rubber (23)
  10. Job Well Done (22)
  11. Airplane vs. Nose (21)
  12. Are You Diabetic? (20)
  13. Peeping Psych (18)
  14. Fresh Breath (18)
  15. Chief complaint: Pine Sol (17)
  16. Super Duper! (17)
  17. Bedpost Toy (17)
  18. Help me, I'm homeless (16)
  19. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (16)
  20. I need to get into my house! (16)


  1. Kentucky Jelly (608)
  2. Sorry, I had to mow the lawn (565)
  3. Patient is in "stable" condition (250)
  4. When's Your Birthday? (108)
  5. Contraceptive Jelly (94)
  6. They Done Named Her (91)
  7. Spoon in the Ass (75)
  8. Job Well Done (72)
  9. Prostate Exam at 3AM (70)
  10. It Hurts When I Do This (64)
  11. Smells Like Burnt Asshole (64)
  12. My wife, uh, has worms (62)
  13. A New Boy Toy (56)
  14. I overheard a pt in (52)
  15. Magnets in the Floor (50)
  16. Alien Probe (50)
  17. Call it Schizophrenia (49)
  18. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (48)
  19. A pikie bloke comes (48)
  20. Bang for his Buck (47)