Browsing articles in "ER Staff"
Apr 27, 2013

Not an Emergency

I have a chronic illness and end up in the ER often for acute exacerbation of tachycardia and dehydration. Anyways, I was sitting in the ER and heard a girl in the hall saying she had chest pain and was breathing loudly. The doctor said he would give her morphine but that it is just a strained muscle. She calmed down and began breathing normally and called a few buddies. Meanwhile, I am severely dehydrated and alarms are going off on my heart monitor and the same doctor has the balls to tell me I am not an emergency since I also have a chronic illness!

Feb 28, 2013

Vowel Replaced

EMS write-up of pt history: “Pt had a vowel replaced in his heart.” Now which vowel was it, “A” or “E”?

Feb 17, 2013

Foot Fungus

I was sitting at the RN station one morning when the triage nurse walked by with a disgusted look on his face. When I asked him what was wrong he said, “Who comes to the ER at 2:00 in the morning with a foot fungus they’ve had for 2 years?”

Feb 11, 2013

Altered Mental Status

Upon picking a patient up off the hospital floor for a transfer, I had an RN tell me she hadn’t given the patient any pain meds in several hours because the patient was allergic to them. Wondering why you’d give them in the first place if she was allergic to them, I requested she describe allergy. “Well I gave her 2mg of Haldol and 2mg of Morphine @1230 and she developed an altered mental status!”

Jan 24, 2013

Urine Specimen

A doctor once gave a student a urine specimen to test. The student dipped it showed it had a very large glucose level. The doctor smiled, took the specimen, and drank the contents. Turns out the doctor wanted to have fun with the student and had placed apple juice in the cup.

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Most Votes

Seems legit

  1. Hey, there is something in my scrotum! (520)
  2. Are You Diabetic? (319)
  3. Hygiene First! (303)
  4. I'm pregnant, I think! (268)
  5. A dang hangnail? (209)
  6. Can you check these bumps? (176)
  7. A Shocking Ending (169)
  8. My wife, uh, has worms (164)
  9. Help me, I'm homeless (159)
  10. Patient is in "stable" condition (152)
  11. Peeping Psych (149)
  12. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (147)
  13. Yummy! (142)
  14. I pooped and I can't get up! (133)
  15. It's a Mall Emergency! (130)
  16. Broken Rubber (121)
  17. Allergic to Tylenol (121)
  18. Morphine Doesn't Help (110)
  19. Yup, You're Preggers (109)
  20. Airplane vs. Nose (109)

Kind of fishy

  1. Patient's Boot (43)
  2. I'm pregnant, I think! (42)
  3. Sorry, I had to mow the lawn (39)
  4. Hey, there is something in my scrotum! (38)
  5. Patient is in "stable" condition (33)
  6. Cash or Credit? (31)
  7. Kentucky Jelly (30)
  8. My wife, uh, has worms (25)
  9. Broken Rubber (23)
  10. Job Well Done (22)
  11. Airplane vs. Nose (21)
  12. Are You Diabetic? (20)
  13. Peeping Psych (18)
  14. Fresh Breath (18)
  15. Chief complaint: Pine Sol (17)
  16. Super Duper! (17)
  17. Bedpost Toy (17)
  18. Help me, I'm homeless (16)
  19. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (16)
  20. I need to get into my house! (16)


  1. Kentucky Jelly (608)
  2. Sorry, I had to mow the lawn (565)
  3. Patient is in "stable" condition (250)
  4. When's Your Birthday? (108)
  5. Contraceptive Jelly (94)
  6. They Done Named Her (91)
  7. Spoon in the Ass (75)
  8. Job Well Done (72)
  9. Prostate Exam at 3AM (70)
  10. It Hurts When I Do This (64)
  11. Smells Like Burnt Asshole (64)
  12. My wife, uh, has worms (62)
  13. A New Boy Toy (56)
  14. I overheard a pt in (52)
  15. Magnets in the Floor (50)
  16. Alien Probe (50)
  17. Call it Schizophrenia (49)
  18. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (48)
  19. A pikie bloke comes (48)
  20. Bang for his Buck (47)