Jun 13, 2018
ERTard Team

Still Naughty at Sixty

I work at an Emergency Center, and we had a 60 year old woman come in with a cucumber stuck up her hooha.

What do you think of this Story?
  • Seems legit (1)
  • Kind of fishy (0)
  • Fake (0)
Jun 7, 2018
ERTard Team

A Doctorate in Massage Therapy

25 y/o female arrives to ER c/o “deep cough.” She is about 5’3″ 110lbs. Pt corrects triage nurse by telling her, sharply, “NO, I have a DEEP THROMBOSIS.” Pt reassures triage nurse that she “knows what she’s talking about” because she has a doctorate… in massage therapy. Nurse informs patient that you cannot cough up an embolism.

What do you think of this Story?
  • Seems legit (2)
  • Kind of fishy (2)
  • Fake (0)
May 31, 2018
ERTard Team

You’re Lucky Enough to be Alive

A 21 year old kid had just been brought in from a high speed drunk driving accident. Him and his buddies hadn’t been wearing seat belts and on impact my patient was ejected, flew 30 feet and landed on his left side. He had a couple broken bones, but his head was intact, he could walk and would only need to wear a brace and a cast for a couple months. His family comes in said they’d won 50 bucks in the lottery. To which he says, “Man, I never win anything. I’m so unlucky.”

.. I’m sorry.. What?

What do you think of this Story?
  • Seems legit (5)
  • Kind of fishy (0)
  • Fake (0)
May 24, 2018
ERTard Team

I Can’t Hold Pressure

Ran a call on the truck not too long ago, 30 minutes to get to the call. Call was for “lacerations with profuse bleeding”. On scene, we find a woman who had been drinking, heavily, and was reaching for a clock that happened to be broken. She had cut her ring and pinky fingers on the broken clock, a lac that would need stitches later and she’s outside smoking with Fire on scene. FD had applied a “tourniquet” (roll gauze lightly wrapped) above the elbow. Best part, while en-route to the nearest facility, I hear her tell my partner in the back; “I’m glad I’ve got Medicaid. I can call Y’all for anything!” Also, my partner stopped the bleeding by telling the PT to hold the wounded hand above her head and hold pressure, PT responds with “I can’t hold pressure, I don’t have on gloves”

What do you think of this Story?
  • Seems legit (1)
  • Kind of fishy (0)
  • Fake (0)
May 16, 2018
ERTard Team

How About We Wash You with Soup?

Nurse is cleaning a Hispanic woman after she gave birth. She is trying to explain in Spanish that she is going to wash her with soap and then dry her off, but she doesn’t know the word for soap, so she substitutes it with “sopa” which means soup in Spanish. So basically, “We are going to wash you with the soup.” Woman freaks out.

What do you think of this Story?
  • Seems legit (4)
  • Kind of fishy (0)
  • Fake (0)

connect with us!

Most Votes

Seems legit

  1. Hey, there is something in my scrotum! (520)
  2. Are You Diabetic? (319)
  3. Hygiene First! (303)
  4. I'm pregnant, I think! (268)
  5. A dang hangnail? (209)
  6. Can you check these bumps? (176)
  7. A Shocking Ending (169)
  8. My wife, uh, has worms (164)
  9. Help me, I'm homeless (159)
  10. Patient is in "stable" condition (152)
  11. Peeping Psych (149)
  12. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (147)
  13. Yummy! (142)
  14. I pooped and I can't get up! (133)
  15. It's a Mall Emergency! (130)
  16. Broken Rubber (121)
  17. Allergic to Tylenol (121)
  18. Morphine Doesn't Help (110)
  19. Yup, You're Preggers (109)
  20. Airplane vs. Nose (109)

Kind of fishy

  1. Patient's Boot (43)
  2. I'm pregnant, I think! (42)
  3. Sorry, I had to mow the lawn (39)
  4. Hey, there is something in my scrotum! (38)
  5. Patient is in "stable" condition (33)
  6. Cash or Credit? (31)
  7. Kentucky Jelly (30)
  8. My wife, uh, has worms (25)
  9. Broken Rubber (23)
  10. Job Well Done (22)
  11. Airplane vs. Nose (21)
  12. Are You Diabetic? (20)
  13. Peeping Psych (18)
  14. Fresh Breath (18)
  15. Chief complaint: Pine Sol (17)
  16. Super Duper! (17)
  17. Bedpost Toy (17)
  18. Help me, I'm homeless (16)
  19. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (16)
  20. I need to get into my house! (16)


  1. Kentucky Jelly (608)
  2. Sorry, I had to mow the lawn (565)
  3. Patient is in "stable" condition (250)
  4. When's Your Birthday? (108)
  5. Contraceptive Jelly (94)
  6. They Done Named Her (91)
  7. Spoon in the Ass (75)
  8. Job Well Done (72)
  9. Prostate Exam at 3AM (70)
  10. It Hurts When I Do This (64)
  11. Smells Like Burnt Asshole (64)
  12. My wife, uh, has worms (62)
  13. A New Boy Toy (56)
  14. I overheard a pt in (52)
  15. Magnets in the Floor (50)
  16. Alien Probe (50)
  17. Call it Schizophrenia (49)
  18. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (48)
  19. A pikie bloke comes (48)
  20. Bang for his Buck (47)