Crispy English Muffin
Female patient in ER complaining of chest pain. She was eating a “very crispy English muffin” and felt a burning sensation in the middle of her chest. She called 911, EMS assessed her and found nothing wrong but she still decided to have her friend drive her to the ER. After she told us what happened we did a quick assessment and sent her home.
Contraceptive Jelly
EMS called by police who picked up a prostitute who complained of a “vaginal pain” after a night of work. EMS arrived on scene and did quick assessment. Woman said she was told by her “co-workers” to use contraceptive jelly and she said she chose “Smucker’s” and didn’t know if it was working.
Morphine Doesn’t Help
“Morphine doesn’t help my pain…but that pain medicine that starts with “D” always helps…”
Cutting Onions
EMS gets called to home of 35-year-old male with “burning eyes” after cooking. Once we arrive he says he is feeling better and said it started when he was cutting onions. Apparently he didn’t know that onions caused irritation to the eyes.