that was random
Sagging Balls
Had a 30-something year old patient present because his “balls were sagging more than normal”
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That Was Random
The ER stories that simply defy categorization.
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Silly Rabbit, ERs are for Patients
What do you do when you run over a rabbit with your car? Well one “patient” brought it in (in two pieces) and expected us to do something about it. She then freaked out, telling th
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"Sir, you need to p
“Sir, you need to pull your pants up and get your head out of the sink!” (An Xray tech talking to a drunk who is thirsty)
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Smells Like Burnt Asshole
An elderly man has rectal bleeding and calls his primary to schedule an appointment but he leaves out the fact that he's bleeding profusely.
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Smilin’ Mighty Jesus
“I think I gots the Smilin’ Mighty Jesus.” (Ebonics for: spinal meningitis)
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So last month we had
So last month we had a guy come in with a roofing nail stuck in his left hand. he said he did it while renovating his house. sounds reasonable.. last week he comes in with the same thing. This was kind of strange so myself and another doctor called local hospital and found out he has had the same injury ...
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So we get a call at
So we get a call at dispatch about a patient requesting police and paramedics at a local bar. He’s in a bathroom stall, completely panicked, as the bar is full of people and he just got into a fight in the bathroom. he claims he’s not injured. so what’s the problem? it seems that during the fight the other guy ...
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Sounds Tasty
Patient comes in complaining of severe sore throat. His posterior pharynx looks fine so I get palin film of his neck looking for epiglottis.
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Spoon in the Ass
Pt: “I need help getting this spoon out of my ass.” Nurse: “Why do you have a spoon up your rectum?” Pt: “I was trying to get the golf ball out.”
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Sting of the Scorpion
A 60 year old male called 911 for a scorpion sting on his leg.
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Thanks for Saving Her
One night, my EMS crew and I went to dinner knowing it was going to be a long night. We decided to grab a cup of coffee to go and while standing at the counter, a young woman comes up, promptly hugs us and thanks us for saving her friend.
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The Human Race
While scanning over a patient's ER admitting sheet, I noticed that on the race line the patient marked
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The other day, our c
The other day, our computerized medical charting system displayed one of the waiting room patient’s chief complaint as "sewing machine broke at 1500". Turns out her sewing machine
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The question was "I
The question was “I noticed that your father (80+ and unresponsive) has lost part of his penis. Can you tell me what happened?” “He cheated on my mom back in the 50’s.”
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This Little Piggie Gave Me Swine Flu
Got a call while working the EMS line and a lady on other end asks, “I was letting a pig suck on my finger and it broke the skin. Will I get the swine flu?!”
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This past halloween
This past halloween I’m at triage dealing with some random patient when I hear a crashing noise. I turn to see security chasing a drunk through the waiting room. This would be a normal except for the fact that the drunk was wearing a giant costume from “Where the wild things are”. I burst out laughing when he got tackled.
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This Pimple is Huge!
Received charting from triage nurse that had statement from patient: “This pimple on my dick is HUGE.”
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Today, a ten year ol
Today, a ten year old came in with the eraser from a wooden pencil stuck inside his ear.
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Twinkie Poke and Scrape
Had a 16-year-old female come in with sudden onset severe LLQ pain which concerned me for ovarian torsion. Spoke with mom and dad and explained that I needed to do a pelvic exam.
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Wake Up and Smell The Roaches
Had a blind lady in the ER that said she could “smell the roaches in her house”. During triage we found she only had a stuffy nose.
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we bring the homeles
we bring the homeless 30/f to the county ED for some bullshit headache. staff surprisingly didn’t throw her out into the lobby and gave her a room. one of their rare single rooms. we wheel her there and she’s upset that the room didn’t have a bathroom in it and she’d have to walk to the shared bathroom in the ...
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We often get phone c
We often get phone calls in the ER from people who want medical tips outside of doctors’ hours. So one night some random old guy calls and asks if we could give him his doctor’s phone number. I ask the name of his doctor and he replies with “i don’t know” and proceeds to go ape shit when i cannot ...
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We picked up a frequ
We picked up a frequent flier one night who called 911 because he was hearing voices. At first he was just hearing music but knew there was a problem when his air conditioner started yelling at him.
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Weight Loss “Secret”
I read out a Pt's weight of 195, and she said,
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While they never cam
While they never came in, I’ve answered calls to the ER where a woman expected us to help her child with her biology homework…. really lady?? Like we have nothing important going on here…
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Y’all Are Jealous
Psych pt states,
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Zombie Patient
When asking past medical history, the patient gave the most random answer ever.
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