May 24, 2018
ERTard Team

I Can’t Hold Pressure

Ran a call on the truck not too long ago, 30 minutes to get to the call. Call was for “lacerations with profuse bleeding”. On scene, we find a woman who had been drinking, heavily, and was reaching for a clock that happened to be broken. She had cut her ring and pinky fingers on the broken clock, a lac that would need stitches later and she’s outside smoking with Fire on scene. FD had applied a “tourniquet” (roll gauze lightly wrapped) above the elbow. Best part, while en-route to the nearest facility, I hear her tell my partner in the back; “I’m glad I’ve got Medicaid. I can call Y’all for anything!” Also, my partner stopped the bleeding by telling the PT to hold the wounded hand above her head and hold pressure, PT responds with “I can’t hold pressure, I don’t have on gloves”

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May 16, 2018
ERTard Team

How About We Wash You with Soup?

Nurse is cleaning a Hispanic woman after she gave birth. She is trying to explain in Spanish that she is going to wash her with soap and then dry her off, but she doesn’t know the word for soap, so she substitutes it with “sopa” which means soup in Spanish. So basically, “We are going to wash you with the soup.” Woman freaks out.

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May 10, 2018
ERTard Team

The Case of a Broken Penis

We had an episode where a guy came in with a broken penis. He has apparently been having a good ol time with his girlfriend and missed going back in and had been going kinda fast and broken the cartilage in his penis. When he left, he had a cast on his penis. His girlfriend didn’t even drive him to the ER, he had to drive himself.

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Jan 9, 2017

Massive Quantities of Calories

Seen in a consult note for a morbidly obese gentleman with heart failure: “…apparently while his wife was working, Mr. X had been sitting at home consuming massive quantities of calories and not exercising…”

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  • Seems legit (27)
  • Kind of fishy (7)
  • Fake (3)
Jan 6, 2017

Back Up the Tubes

A guy in his 20’s came in with his fiancee (she forced him to apparently) and stated that he got drunk one night and wanted to “play with himself.” He stated he shoved his testicles “back up the tubes.” Sure enough they were partially lodged in the inguinal canal. The worst part is that he waited 2 YEARS to be seen for it. Ouch!

What do you think of this Story?
  • Seems legit (11)
  • Kind of fishy (13)
  • Fake (14)

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Most Votes

Seems legit

  1. Hey, there is something in my scrotum! (518)
  2. Are You Diabetic? (317)
  3. Hygiene First! (302)
  4. I'm pregnant, I think! (268)
  5. A dang hangnail? (209)
  6. Can you check these bumps? (175)
  7. A Shocking Ending (169)
  8. My wife, uh, has worms (163)
  9. Help me, I'm homeless (158)
  10. Patient is in "stable" condition (151)
  11. Peeping Psych (148)
  12. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (144)
  13. Yummy! (141)
  14. I pooped and I can't get up! (132)
  15. It's a Mall Emergency! (129)
  16. Broken Rubber (119)
  17. Allergic to Tylenol (119)
  18. Morphine Doesn't Help (108)
  19. Yup, You're Preggers (107)
  20. Airplane vs. Nose (107)

Kind of fishy

  1. Patient's Boot (43)
  2. I'm pregnant, I think! (42)
  3. Sorry, I had to mow the lawn (39)
  4. Hey, there is something in my scrotum! (38)
  5. Patient is in "stable" condition (33)
  6. Cash or Credit? (31)
  7. Kentucky Jelly (30)
  8. My wife, uh, has worms (25)
  9. Broken Rubber (23)
  10. Job Well Done (22)
  11. Airplane vs. Nose (21)
  12. Are You Diabetic? (20)
  13. Peeping Psych (18)
  14. Fresh Breath (18)
  15. Chief complaint: Pine Sol (17)
  16. Super Duper! (17)
  17. Bedpost Toy (17)
  18. Help me, I'm homeless (16)
  19. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (16)
  20. I need to get into my house! (16)


  1. Kentucky Jelly (605)
  2. Sorry, I had to mow the lawn (560)
  3. Patient is in "stable" condition (250)
  4. When's Your Birthday? (105)
  5. Contraceptive Jelly (93)
  6. They Done Named Her (90)
  7. Spoon in the Ass (75)
  8. Job Well Done (71)
  9. Prostate Exam at 3AM (70)
  10. It Hurts When I Do This (64)
  11. Smells Like Burnt Asshole (64)
  12. My wife, uh, has worms (60)
  13. A New Boy Toy (55)
  14. I overheard a pt in (52)
  15. Magnets in the Floor (50)
  16. Alien Probe (50)
  17. Call it Schizophrenia (48)
  18. Let the Lord Heal Your Baby (48)
  19. Bang for his Buck (47)
  20. A pikie bloke comes (45)