ER story archive

That Was Random

The ER stories that simply defy categorization.

Page 2 of 3

that was random

I had a 14yo come in

I had a 14yo come into the ER, we figured out she had Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) but didn’t know from what. She didn’t like that i had to cut into an artery for blood and she really didn’t like it when I told her I had to check for a tampon. I do what I need to do and ...

that was random

I had to stitch up a

I had to stitch up a guy who sneezed while shaving and cut.. his balls.

that was random

I had to transport a

I had to transport a patient over to xray and heard this from the room “oh yeah! i can feel the radiation! whooo!”

that was random

I Need a Rabies Shot!

Pt: “I need a rabies shot.” RN: “Were you bit by an animal?” Pt: “No my cousin bit me.” RN: “So why do you think you need a rabies shot?” Pt: “Because he has sex with dogs.”

that was random

I took a call in the

I took a call in the ER: “my dog ate all my valium. should I bring him in?” I told him to call a vet but really wanted to tell him to go dig a hole for the dog.

that was random

I was about to take

I was about to take a 60 year old woman’s knee x-rays, when she proceeded to tell me that her husband wanted to know how she was going to wrap her legs around his head now that her knee was injured. She continued with, “I guess I’ll just have to sit on his face, instead”. Super.

that was random

I was sitting with a

I was sitting with a psych patient waiting for an ambulance to take him to a mental health facility. I saw an ambulance come and take someone else, but they then quickly brought him back. When they found one of the nurses, they said that the patient “went all psycho on us” and wouldn’t get in the truck. We then ...

that was random

I work for a patient

I work for a patient transfer service. We got a call to collect a patient from the ER and transfer them to another hospital for a Cat Scan. The patient had a German accent, was 84 years old, and had dementia. When I walked into the room, he looked me up and down and said “who is this big Jew?”

that was random

I’m Here Because My Feet Are Cold

“I’m here because my feet are unusually cold tonight and I’m worried”. When I ask what she was doing tonight “nothing, I just fell asleep on the porch”.

that was random

It’s a Mall Emergency!

So, we get a call for “patient not feeling well” and arrive to find a patient insisting on transportation to the medical clinic. When question the patient about her symptoms, she o

that was random

I’ve Torn My Metric Arsehole

Call came through as male C/O pain and swelling in leg below knee with a possible fractured ankle. On arrival, pt was found sitting in chair and alert.

that was random

Just the Tip

An 84-year-old gentleman came in with many complications from his diabetes. I went to take off his socks and as I began to examine him, the tip of his second toe broke off into my hand like a piece of turkey bacon. It was dry gangrene.

that was random

Kings and Queens

From a psych patient: “Do you have all your kings and queens or do you need more apples and oranges?”

that was random

Last Name? Uhh…

A guy brings in his baby momma who is going into labor. She's taken into a treatment room right away as her complaint was legit.

that was random

Last winter during t

Last winter during the first real snow storm the department was rather quiet. All of a sudden the lights go out and emergency power comes on. The cause? A raccoon climbed up a transformer and exploded. We found him smoldering in the bushes.

that was random

Look what I can do!

There's an episode of the Simpsons where Bart crams his fist into his mouth and can't get it out. I saw a 4 year old do that in real life but his fist was removed only after we lubed up his hand.

that was random

Magnets in the Floor

Nurse:

that was random

man, even the people

man, even the people that want to kill themselves are getting lazy. We had a patient come in a request directions to the pharmacy so he could get meds to overdose on. Clearly he was formed and given a pysch consult.

that was random

Maybe apocryphal, bu

Maybe apocryphal, but guy in the ER with his boyfriend–had inserted a live goldfish in his butt…trying to withdraw it, the scales locked it in place. The attending walked around the table, bent for a closer look and said “Son, you gotta learn to chew your food better.”

that was random

“Meat on Anus”

C/C: “Meat on anus” Discharge Dx: anal wart

that was random

Naked Man on the Run

Male patient high on meth is brought in and admitted. He was placed in a room and about 10 minutes later the charge nurse comes out and asks if we've seen a naked man come out.

that was random

Nice Hat

Patient presents to county hospital with severe headache and wearing cylinder hat.

that was random

Not Quite a Bun in the Oven

We get an older female that is massively overweight and smokes several packs a day. As a result she is on home oxygen and as any commonsense person knows, compressed oxygen is extremely flammable.

that was random

Once had a 83yr old

Once had a 83yr old man brought in by EMS for chest pain that refused to be treated until he was allowed to take his Viagra!

that was random

overheard in one of

overheard in one of our rooms “you’ve been abusing heroin for 7 years and my taking blood makes you scream? please..”

that was random

Pain in the…Pelvis

Chief complaint:

that was random

patient approaches t

patient approaches triage and says “i have wind in my knees!” She meant fluid that required draining. This wasn’t a language barrier either, she was pure american with NASCAR jacket and all.

that was random

Petting Zoo

A mother brought in her young son who was head-butted by a goat after teasing it at the local petting zoo.

that was random

Hello, yes this is the ER…

I was working the front desk of the ER when this call came in...

that was random

Pink Lace Panties

As I am cutting the pants of a drunk male trauma patient, I look down and notice he is wearing pink lace panties. He thinks about what I am doing and proceeds to look up at me. Our

that was random

Plastic Spoon Stab

Paramedics transported a mentally challenged patient to the ER. She lives in a group home and proposed sex with one of the male employees. When he refused, she stabbed herself in the wrist with a plastic spoon.

that was random

Pt. found on side of

Pt. found on side of the road in vehicle in SEVERE abdominal pain. Stated she had be constipated for the past few days. Asked what her last meal was “Taco Bell”. I’m not a doctor, but I think I figured out what’s causing the pain.

that was random

Pt presents with lar

Pt presents with large facial laceration. “I held my poodle up to the mirror and I growled at him!”

that was random

Pt (who was a hemipl

Pt (who was a hemiplegic): “Nurse can you scratch my testicles” Nurse: “Why cant you scratch them yourself?” Pt: “I had a stroke” Nurse: “use you other hand” Pt: “It isn’t as nice as when someone else does it”

that was random

Quite a Gag Reflex

16 y/o female came in complaining that she “swallowed a pen.” Thought she was crazy but the X-ray proved me wrong. Turns out she had an itch at the back of her throat so she took s

that was random

Raccoon on the Screen Door

Patient presented with several minor skin abrasions and said, “There was a raccoon on the screen door so I hit it with a broom.”

that was random

Radioactive Labia

Encountered a patient that stated,

that was random

Remove the Credit Cards

Police brought in a woman that was under arrest for theft. So why was she in the ER? The police requested that we remove the credit cards she shoved up her vagina after mugging a woman on the street.

that was random

Riding Dirty

20-something male presents with facial injuries from a fall. He rode a tricycle through the quad (while drunk) and down some steps and landed in a fountain in which someone has placed food coloring in.

that was random

Riding the Dolphin

Mother brought in her young child and said, “He was riding the dolphin when he fell.” (The patient was playing on an ornamental dolphin at a playground.)