Drunks

Stories



You’re Lucky Enough to be Alive

A 21 year old kid had just been brought in from a high speed drunk driving accident. Him and his buddies hadn’t been wearing seat belts and on impact my patient was ejected, flew 30 feet and landed on his left side. He had a couple broken bones, but his head was intact, he could walk and would only need ...

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Just Needed to Pee

Pt picked up by EMS outside a liquor store for 'sick' complaint. EMS found nothing other than intoxication as a complaint; no trauma/CP/NV/etc. At triage pt reports "water intoxication" and inability to walk while walking to the bathroom.

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Patient’s Boot

In ED, helping take off a drunk patient's boots. He was obviously homeless and reeked. As I slipped his boot off I noticed a toe came off with it.

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Red Solo Cup

Pt was intoxicated, tearful, and had packed a large duffel bag. About an hour into her medical clearance we noticed she kept drinking from a red Solo cup in her room.

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Wasted Granny

Grandma came in via ambulance for stroke-like symptoms. Multiple worried and overbearing family members were hovering around staff believing grandma needed exclusive attention from the entire department. Turns out grandma had one too many glasses of wine.

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Warning: Small Penis

A drunk trauma patient is brought in and as we cut off his clothes to check for other injuries, he makes it a point to warn everyone that he has a small penis.

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Wipe Yourself Up

Had a guy that came in drunk the other night and had to have an ultrasound of his lower extremity. When the ultrasound tech handed him a towel to wipe off the gel, his response was, "Isn't that what my medical bills cover?"

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Pregame for the Party

Patient called to see how long the ER wait was because she felt dizzy and needed to be at a party in an hour. She said she had been pregaming and proceeded to put the phone down without hanging up.

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Avoid the Cat

EMS on scene of a drunk driver who crashed his car into a roadside ditch. Police said the guy claims he was trying to avoid a cat in the road.

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Lend Me an Ear

Male PT presents with his ear nearly severed and blood all over his face. While drunk, he somehow got it stuck in the back door of a taxi. His friend (also intoxicated) was unable to explain the circumstances.

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Hold This For Me

Drunk female brought in from a local club on a stretcher asked a nurse to keep her money safe. The patient then proceeded to reach into her underwear and pull out a large wad of bills which the nurse took AFTER putting on a pair of gloves! Much laughter from the nurses' station.

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Male Pap Smear

We're babysitting a drunk before police haul his ass away and he asks me if we do HIV/AIDS screenings. He then states that he wanted to get "one of them there male pap smears!"

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Drunk is Not a Medical Emergency

Overheard a nurse on the phone: "No sir, being drunk is not a medical emergency."

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I was Drunk at the Time

EMS unit gets called for patient with chest pain around 1130pm, a frequent flier meets unit at the curb smoking a cigarette.

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I Need a Tow

21 y/o male rolls his truck while driving home drunk. After getting out of the truck with no real injuries except for some abrasions, decides he needs a tow truck.

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Break a Leg, or an Ankle

Got called to "man with broken ankle, sitting on curb." Upon approach to pt, I could smell a very strong stench of alcohol. I asked the man what was going on. His drunken reply, "I broke my ankle."

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Pump my Stomach!

I was at a party with a few friends and one of their cousins. The cousin gets drunk and decides he needs his stomach pumped, so he calls for an ambulance. When EMS arrived, he was jumping up and down begging to get it done even though he had sobered up by then.

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So Much for Modesty

I was an ER tech in college; one night a girl was brought in after an MVA caused by her drinking a LOT of alcohol.

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Skull Bashing

Man brought in after getting drunk, climbing on top of his RV and promptly falling off. He landed on his skull resulting in a skull fracture and epidural brain bleed.

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Hug it Out

Dispatched at 2am to local bar. Upon arrival, we find two inebriated guys in the middle of a fistfight. PD is there as well and separating them.

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Drinking Problem

Patient admitted after drinking antifreeze - had stomach pumped and went through dialysis. After almost dying, patient was transferred to psych ward for continued evaluation and to get help with drinking problem.

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As Fate Would Have It

On my way to work one day, I noticed a truck had flipped over on the highway and emergency crews were on scene. I had a strange feeling that fate would intervene that night.

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Are You Diabetic?

Got called to a Taco Bell for a possible diabetic emergency. PD is on scene and states the patient is a possible DUI, however PD states that she is a diabetic, so they are concerned about pressing forward if it has nothing to do with ETOH.

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I need to get into my house!

A large, 41-year-old man was brought in by ambulance to the emergency room and was dazed and confused.

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Alcohol Allergy

While working nights for EMS, we got a call for an allergic reaction/breathing problem.

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Something in my Eye

An intoxicated patient staggered into the ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses.

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My Chest, My Chest!

Out on a call on a Friday night, there was a guy clearly intoxicated making a scene in public.

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3am: my partner and

3am: my partner and I were dispatched to a 30yo m c/o dyspnea. We respond to find pt outside waving us down. He told me that he had turkey stuck in his throat and needed to be seen in the ER to fox the problem. Pt strong odor of ETOH, ataxic, and had this ridiculously goofy (and kind of creepy) ...

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We had a frequent fl

We had a frequent flyer drunk who was brought in by her husband when he just couldn’t take her shenanigans anymore. This time she said she took a handful of Tylenol. As the tests were being run, I proceed to hand her a cup of charcoal (used to treat OD) to drink, when she turns to me making a face ...

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Pt: "this is bullsh

Pt: “this is bullshit, i want to go back to the methadone clinic now!” RN: “You’re only here because you insisted on drinking their hand sanitizer.” (hand sanitizer is alcohol based)

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I was out smoking wi

I was out smoking with a couple nurses when we saw one of our regular drunks rolling down the entrance ramp in a wheel chair. At the bottom of the ramp the chair started to wobble and one of the wheels fell off causing the chair to fall, sending the drunk sliding into a cop car. It seems Mr. 12 ...

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Things you don't do

Things you don’t do after a night of drinking include pushing over a no parking sign, using it to leverage open a man hole cover and falling asleep inside because it is raining. These things will lead to a 911 call by some random passerby.

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Working at an ER nea

Working at an ER near a major event venue means that at the midway point of concerts we start getting a lot of drunks. One girl came in halfway through the Springsteen concert drunk and barely conscious. Six hours later her parents come to get her, and as she staggers out with her vomit soaked jacket in her hand she ...

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We were having a bir

We were having a birthday party for one of the paramedics we work with at a bar near a large pond. After a few too many drinks, one of the medics decided he was going to ride his bicycle to his home which is on the other side of the park. We see him riding across the bridge over the ...

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I was waiting for tr

I was waiting for triage while on a two-week ambulance placement when another crew brought in a guy who was blind drunk and had crashed into an electricity pole (knocking it over) and then wrapped his car around a tree. The crew and cops who picked him up, found that although the top button of his pants were done up, ...

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Pt. with well docume

Pt. with well documented cocaine problem comes in with a crack attack (cocaine-induced chest pain) and the story “This guy held me at gun point and FORCED me to smoke crack!” He got a quickie set of enzymes and our deepest sympathy.

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We often have to dea

We often have to deal with this drunk who when sober can be mildly decent. Today was not one of those days. He got annoyed at one of the nurses and then threw his bed pan at her. Since we lack real security guards and I’m one of the bigger guys in the department I had to baby sit this ...

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Guy brought in by am

Guy brought in by ambulance — some jackass called 911 because he was drunk in public. Triage nurse asks me to come out and “bless this guy” because he doesn’t want evaluation, and is completely able to make said decision. I talk to him, and he says (regarding the ambulance trip) “this is a gross misuse of medical resources.” I ...

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got a call to alcoho

got a call to alcohol withdrawal. Got there and the guy says he started drinking at 0900, but hasn’t had any alcohol in the last hour and he’s adamant he’s in withdrawal because he “knows what it feels like.” “I’m sorry sir, you can’t be in withdrawal when you’re still drunk!”

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I had some gang bang

I had some gang banger kid come in one night all messed up from runnin from the police in a stolen car. Evidently “no espeaka dah ingles” and came down with acute incarceritis when the cuffs were put on and went “unresponsive”. So the police bring him in. The patient does not even respond to the worst titty twister i’ve ...

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Had a drunk who had

Had a drunk who had been beaten bad brought in by EMS on a spine board. Doc cleared him off the board, so the case nurse got some of us to help her roll him off. She said ‘Hun, we’re gonna turn you over’ and he asked ‘To who?’

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Got an EMS call at 0

Got an EMS call at 0330 yesterday for a drunk man at home who was going to kill himself as soon as he could find a knife. I asked the medic if he wanted the engine. He said ‘No, go back to bed, we’re just going to show him where the f&^%in knife drawer is in the kitchen’

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A 93 year old drunk

A 93 year old drunk woman needed a CT of her head after a fall. After I explained the test to her, she decided that she didn’t need it and stripped out of her gown for good measure. For the next 10 minutes the nurse and I desperately tried to put her gown back on while she yelled and tried ...

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drunk, naked homeles

drunk, naked homeless man squatting on the floor with explosive diarrhea. then he asks for a shower, food and new clothes.. we just had the cleaners throw his clothes in the washer for him. this isn’t a mission, get out.

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Police brought in a

Police brought in a patient who had decided to resist arrest and his handcuffs became too tight. Now because the patient had resisted arrest so vigorously, the key was broken off in the lock. Fire department used bolt cutters on one handcuff to remove, but the other just wouldn’t come off. So, of course, the ER was the logical place ...

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This drunk girl come

This drunk girl comes in at 2am sits down at triage and begins to explain her problem. she went out to the club to have a good time and "No one would pay me any attention"…That was seriously the chief complaint. no, she didn’t mention suicide or anything, she was just drunk.

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My favourite was THE

My favourite was THE OAR….a guy had the small end that normally goes in your hand (not your ass), in his ass, and the paddle end sticking out about 2 metres. The transported him in from the Aussie bush with it still in his ass hole because it wouldn’t come out. It had been in there for 24 hrs…needless to ...

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911 call I made seve

911 call I made several years ago: Attempted suicide. Man gets drunk, takes all of his nitro pills. I find him covered in bruises. He’d been slamming himself into a wall because he was convinced the nitro in his system would make him explode! He’d gotten drunk because he was afraid it was going to hurt…

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Sixty-two year old m

Sixty-two year old man came by ambulance, the second time that day…he drank beer and smoked pot after his first visit and now he "felt funny"…duh…as soon as this genius was discharged he came back pounding on the door YELLING he couldn’t breathe!

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While walking throug

While walking through the waiting room I was greeted by a drunken hobo who asks me if he could go outside for a smoke before being seen by the doctor. I say "sure".. moments later i’m informed by another patient that said hobo took a shit in the corner of the waiting room right in front of all the patients.

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A wee guy goes to a

A wee guy goes to a function at a pub.Guy wins a raffle……300 bottles of bacardi breezer (all watermelon flavour i might add). Guy thinks it might be a good idea to drink them all in 2 days….yep thats 150 bottles a day. He was a pretty heavy drinker. Guy then has a stroke at the age of 30!

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I like it when they

I like it when they know what Dr. is most likely dool out pain meds and when they don’t see that one they demand to be seen by Dr. So and So.

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Today, we get a call

Today, we get a call from the paramedics stating that they are bring in a near drowning. Turns out some hobo slept on a lawn chair in a creek and when it rained he got swept away. It ended up getting stuck under a small bridge with one hand grasping the bridge and the other his half empty beer.

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My favorite is also

My favorite is also when people come in with acute pancreatitis or ETOH withdrawl or drunken idiotness – you do an ETOH level that reads off the charts (>75) but they swear up & down that they "don’t drink"…….yeah, sure you don’t……

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Morning after night

Morning after night out on town. Young girl presented…when triage nursed asked what was wrong she said:" My ear….it’s bendy

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Sunday afternoon, 18

Sunday afternoon, 18yr old man presented to ER after a big night out drinking with a headache, nausea, dry mouth and dizziness. He had traveled 8 miles to the hospital and waited 3hrs only to be told it was a hangover. Twat

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