complete idiots
0300…55 year old m
0300…55 year old male patient: "I had a nightmare, I need to go to the ER because it was scary"
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Complete Idiots
The choices that make emergency-room staff stop and stare.
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0345am patient walks
0345am patient walks in complaining of dandruff for 3 days. Then walks out when is not seen within 15 minutes of arrival…….
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0545, 15min before f
0545, 15min before finishing a very long night shift, priority one response to a 40yof who had had a BAD DREAM, and insisted on transport to the ED ‘just to be checked over’…….one wonders why we have problems in our health system….
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10 pm. Chief complai
10 pm. Chief complaint "my 3 year old is touching his privates". Nothing wrong with them, no pain. Asked why, the child said: it feels good.
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11 pm on a Sunday ni
11 pm on a Sunday night, so dealing with all the boozed-up beatings from the weekend… 21 year old female gets rushed in by ambulance with pv bleeding and pain. On further investigation… she was MENSTRUATING!!! And it happens every month. Ummm. Yeah…
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13 year old comes in
13 year old comes in with her mother cc: neck pain me-any injuries or trauma? mother-yes, a filing cabinet fell on her me-when did this injury occur? mother-10 years ago me- 10 years ago….and you are here today because…. mother- It was a SOLID OAK filing cabinet!
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13 year old male com
13 year old male complains of…growth under left nipple. Discharge diagnosis? “Normal Puberty and Growth: Acne”. Thank goodness for socialized medicine right?
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17 y.o. female prese
17 y.o. female presents with boyfriend with c/o “abd. pain”. doesn’t take the pill “all the time” cause she “forgets” but it didn’t matter cause HIS mom was hoping they were pregnant anyway…. As I did my assessment – beginning with LUNG sounds… boyfriend interrupts to ask “so did ya hear 2 heartbeats?”
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17 year old guy pres
17 year old guy presents with 3 days of a headache, in taking his history I ask him if he’s had any trauma prior to start of pain or if he’s having any double vision. Not only did
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17 year old kid come
17 year old kid comes in with "Total body numbness." Brought in by mom and dad, concerned that this was a stroke. "Oh yeah, it may have something to do with that marijuana I smoked
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18 year old came int
18 year old came into the ER, pumping blood out of an artery in her hand while chopping vegetables for her bf’s valentine’s day dinner. “Can’t you just put a few stitches in it? I need to go home, he’s going to make love to me tonight and I don’t want to miss it. I didn’t pass out, I just ...
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18 yo female comes i
18 yo female comes in with sister and father for a mysterious mark on arm. Dad thought was the beginning of a cancerous growth. the result? The pt’s sister had bitten the patient and was too afraid to tell dad. Total time in waiting room 4.5 hours. I love it.
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2 admissions after c
2 admissions after car crash; female with head injury, bloke with bruising, broken arm and leg….and lacerations to penis. Was getting a blow job when lost control of car, she hit her head on steering wheel and bit him!
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2 nights ago…. pat
2 nights ago…. patient walks in at 0200. Nurse I had a bad dream, and was so anxious about it i thought id better come and check myself out with the doctor.
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28 y.o. woman, tryin
28 y.o. woman, trying to get preggos. Urine Pregnancy Test NEGATIVE. Pt: "my period was a week late, then I bled, and it had a clot in it". Me: "Ummmm… ok…" Pt: "I think I miscarri
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28 yo single male co
28 yo single male comes in at 3am because he wore up with a sore left ear (which has now gone) AND has the balls to abuse the Triage nurse because it took longer than 15 minutes to see him and he’s tired DUH!!! its 3AM!!!! Everyone is tired! GO HOME!
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2am admission with v
2am admission with vomiting. "when did you start vomiting?" 20min ago. (pt vomited once) I look at there adress and they live 15min from hospital…. "so you woke up, vomited, got dr
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2am Friday, mother b
2am Friday, mother brings in her 12 year old son because "he is too short".
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3 girls came in one
3 girls came in one behind the other and complained of abdominal pain. upon further interrogation, they all said that one of their parents told them to come to the ED for a pregnancy test… so my question is, 1) Were they all banging the same guy?! 2) Why did they come to the ER? Shit is a $10 test
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30 some yr old stab
30 some yr old stab victim present’s to ER. When asked what happened she said she was fighting with her crack cocaine dealer. She wouldn’t pay him, so he tried to take her DVD player. During the struggle, he stabbed her in the abdomen. Now c’mon…if you can’t trust your crack dealer, who can you trust?
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30-something y/o mal
30-something y/o male, resident of a state hospital for the insane. a regular at the ED where i used to work. cames in because THIS TIME he swallowed a DOORKNOB. last time it was a door hinge and a bedspring.
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36 y.o pt presents w
36 y.o pt presents with congestion at 3am. no other symptoms. go kill yourself.
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38yo man comes in at
38yo man comes in at 2am. Wants to know if he has cancer. Has noticed a little bit of blood "on the paper but never in the toilet." Has been to 2 other hospitals in the last week,
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4 y/o m brought in b
4 y/o m brought in by dad for possible tick bites. Kid had moles that dad hadn’t ever noticed before. Kid was cool, just glad he wasn’t getting a shot.
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40 some y/o male com
40 some y/o male comes in to the ED with his mother “she made me come in” c/o coughing up blood–lungs clear and no coughing, CXR WNL–imagine that. He jumps off the cart, closes the door and says he does not want his mother to hear–“I have something down there and its tying me up”–only 40 to 50 genital warts.
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40ish male walks up
40ish male walks up to the triage desk and places a travel size shampoo bottle on the counter. He states, "I met a cute woman at a bar… the conditioner is stuck sideways in my ass.
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40ish year old femal
40ish year old female to ED via ambulance for hair dye on her hands “that she can’t get off.” States it’s burning my hands. Still has hair dye on head, has been there for more than an hour and gets angry when upon discharge did not receive a cab voucher
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430 AM for a splinte
430 AM for a splinter removal so you can beat the rush?! Dude you’re going to wait til 7AM when the morning doc comes on shift.
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53 year old man who
53 year old man who came into triage crying and holding his wrist. I thought he had a fall or something. He was crying because he couldn’t feel his pulse and thought he was dying. he couldn’t feel his pulse because he was a whale but otherwise fine.
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55 y/o male called u
55 y/o male called us to take him to the hospital as he felt his palms were whiter than they should be. i should mention that his wife followed us to the hospital and oh ya….he was white.
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67 y/o female comes
67 y/o female comes into the ER with c/o altered mental status and fatigue. While questioning her and getting her basic background information she finally admits she hasn’t eaten anything for 4 days. Uh I wonder what her problem could possibly be…
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7 y/o m brought in b
7 y/o m brought in by mom & aunt for possible head injury with swelling on forhead. Pt had been playing on trampoline previous night with friends, swelling started today. Pt had no complaint of pain but said the swelling was itchy. Dx=mosquito bites.
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79 year old frequent
79 year old frequent flier female called 911 for respiratory distress. After the initial assessment and determining nothing was wrong, we escorted the patient to the awaiting stretcher. Before she sat down, she looked and my partner and I and asked, dead seriously, “can I smoke a cigarette before we leave? They never let me have one at the hospital.”
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82 year old man come
82 year old man comes in complaining of leg pain…when did this start, i ask? ‘IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL’ [doubtfully] "Aha, when was this?" ‘1945’
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83 y/o F calls ambul
83 y/o F calls ambulance for severe chest pain. Arrives and is asked…what is your complaint today…"Oh nothing…I just had a doctors appointment and had no way to get to it". Gets of
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a 20 years old lad,
a 20 years old lad, had some lumps on the chest wall for a whole year, but demand a reason for it in the middle of the night!
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a 22 year old male c
a 22 year old male comes in with a chunk of dinner roll stuck in his throat. Pateitn: "This has happened a couple of times before. What can I do to prevent it from happening again?
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A 24 year old came i
A 24 year old came in for a sore throat and body aches. The doctor orders a soft tissue neck x-ray. I bring her over for the exam and she says “I don’t know why the doctor ordered an x-ray of my neck. I mean I have a sore throat, but my whole body aches. I thought I was going ...
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a 24 year old male c
a 24 year old male comes in with a partially amputated hand. How? Dry ice in a closed 2 gallon jug = boom. People really need to listen to those warnings on Mythbusters.
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A 50F with obvious g
A 50F with obvious gastro and 1x vasovagal episode was BIB her husband and daughter who were ADAMANT that she needed a CT scan because she must have had a stroke in order to faint. After explaining that she was perfectly fine (GCS 15, no neurol signs), just slightly dehydrated, they insisted i knew NOTHING because i was only a ...
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