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Had to remove a drain snake that was used in an attempt to retrieve the cap of a spray paint can (up bum). The paint can came out, but the lid stayed put. Being geniuses, they figured they could puncture the lid with the drain snake. They did manage to puncture the cap, along with perf'ing the bowel. When he finally came into the the ED, he had a tail, as they had to cut the rest of the 25' of the drain snake off. Almost died of Peritonitis.

"humen bit on whyte meet" was the complaint...I call the young "lady" over to triage her and I asked her what that meant...human bite on the white meat..."human bite on the white meat? What is the white meat?" I ask. She points to her massive upper arm and on the inside "flap o fat" is a very large bite mark...I couldn't quite bring myself to ask "white meat" Instead I ask "did you know who bit you?" her reply " My daddy's prostitute...you know ho!" "umm!" was just about all I could manage

Important life lesson: never eat more than you can lift, Miss Piggy

I had a patient present for a toothace (which by the way annoys the hell out of me), he stated that the tooth had been hurting for a couple of weeks. when I asked him why he did not go to the dentist he replied "That costs money".

I remember the guy who came to the ER at 10 oclock on a weekend morning because he missed his 9:00 bowel movement

Had one about a month ago for poss allergic reaction. The pt had taken 2 benadryl (as she had before for seasonal allergies) and felt woozy. Really people, can you not read the box?

a women actually shot herself in her upper arm because she has had excruciating pain in her shoulder and she does not have medical insurance. She shot herself so she would have to be seen.

Had a pt yesterday going off yelling that she wanted to see the doctor because she wanted her xray. she was in pain and thought it was going to take the pain away.

One day we had a Pt that came into the ER complaining of having the flu and body aches for the past four days. Only problem was that he was still wearing the VIP wristband he got at the club last night. After he was asked how the club was he decided that he wasn't that sick and left.

What I learned during my last 12hr shift in the ER: When brought in with MI symptoms, it's totally acceptable to ask the nurse to call your wife and have her bring you a cheeseburger because you missed lunch.


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