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During a nightshift, the call bell sounded from one of my rooms (with four patients), and it was from one of the other patients. I headed over to his bed, and said patient screamed out on the top of his voice how he couldn't sleep because the door to the hallway was slightly ajar. Not only did he wake up the other patients in the room, the other RN had heard from him the other side of the ward.

#1447 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (62) - I dunno, seems legit. (1)

My unit arrives on scene, and I walk into the room to find a 70something year old male who was sounding with a toothbrush. (For those of you not in the know, sounding is the insertion of objects into the urethra for sexual pleasure.) Our patient inserted the toothbrush bristle end first (I have no idea how) and could not get it back out. We had to transport to the local ER, and explain to the staff how the he got a toothbrush stuck in his penis.

#1446 (0) Sex - Get back to the waiting room (75) - I dunno, seems legit. (15)

3am: my partner and I were dispatched to a 30yo m c/o dyspnea. We respond to find pt outside waving us down. He told me that he had turkey stuck in his throat and needed to be seen in the ER to fox the problem. Pt strong odor of ETOH, ataxic, and had this ridiculously goofy (and kind of creepy) grin on his face. Took him to the ER. 4am: dispatched to the end of a bridge for teen seizing. We get there and find the same guy called 911 for a ride back home... Left him there, PD aware of situation.

#1445 (0) Drunks - Get back to the waiting room (70) - I dunno, seems legit. (10)

7 y/o m brought in by mom & aunt for possible head injury with swelling on forhead. Pt had been playing on trampoline previous night with friends, swelling started today. Pt had no complaint of pain but said the swelling was itchy. Dx=mosquito bites.

#1444 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (74) - I dunno, seems legit. (6)

4 y/o m brought in by dad for possible tick bites. Kid had moles that dad hadn't ever noticed before. Kid was cool, just glad he wasn't getting a shot.

#1443 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (61) - I dunno, seems legit. (10)

we're parked at the ED with several other units. a car drives up to us and an excited woman gets out. "my son's having trouble breathing, should i call 911?" suspecting that i know where her son is, i ask "ma'am, where is your son?" she replies, "he's in the back of the car." trying not to roll my eyes, "ma'am, just bring him in there." i point at the patient entrance.

#1442 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (82) - I dunno, seems legit. (5)

we bring the homeless 30/f to the county ED for some bullshit headache. staff surprisingly didn't throw her out into the lobby and gave her a room. one of their rare single rooms. we wheel her there and she's upset that the room didn't have a bathroom in it and she'd have to walk to the shared bathroom in the hallway.

#1441 (0) That_Was_Random - Get back to the waiting room (80) - I dunno, seems legit. (5)

20YO F presented to Emerg Gyn Clinic. Letter from GP stated lacerations to the vagina. Cause- her boyfriend -also present at visit had decided to use a crisp (potato chips) packet as they had no condoms.

#1440 (0) Sex - Get back to the waiting room (97) - I dunno, seems legit. (13)

Quote from pt.'s wife for a cardiac related EMS call "... A****(pt. name) just tell them the truth, you where cleaning your genitals in the shower; thats why your defibilator went off..." Honest to goodness, I swear if my pt. had enough strength to get up he would have strangled his wife.

#1439 (0) Funny - Get back to the waiting room (62) - I dunno, seems legit. (16)

61 year old female presents to the ED with severe rectal bleeding. She evidently decided that the inability to poop for 24 hours deemed her "constipated." Instead of purchasing over the counter fiber supplements or laxatives, she decided to use scissors and a serrated steak knife to disimpact her bowels. She succeeded, but also pissed off a few arteries in the process.

#1438 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (124) - I dunno, seems legit. (18)


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