ER story archive

Sex

Awkward, unbelievable, and very adult ER stories.

Page 3 of 3

sex

RN: "any chance tha

RN: “any chance that you might be pregnant?” Pt: “No, My boyfriend said I can’t get pregnant if we have sex standing up”

sex

Sharp Shower Sex

Female patient was having sex with her boyfriend in the shower when she brushed up against her razor resulting in minor lacerations on her buttocks.

sex

Slipped Off The Toilet

Called to a home where we found a male with a toilet plunger inserted into his rectum. He stated he slipped off the toilet and fell on to the plunger. Yes, we all know that he “sli

sex

Slippery when wet

14-year-old male brought in by EMS accompanied with his parents with a chief complaint of penis laceration. Story is he was in the shower and he stuck his “unit” in a shampoo bottl

sex

So this one is kinda

So this one is kinda gross, you might want to skip over if you have a weak stomach. So it’s 4am and we get a call that a VSA (vital signs absent) patient is coming in. A couple is having sex and the guy can’t get it up and a fight ensues. The guy (naked) walks into the garage, turns ...

sex

So what do you do wh

So what do you do when the batteries in your vibrator die and you’re horny but too lazy to go buy new ones? You set your phone to vibrate, jam it up your pussy and call yourself. Next, you take the important step of not being able to remove the phone and end up in emerg.

sex

Spent 2 hours removi

Spent 2 hours removing a bottle of Phisohex from a Dude’s behind after he accidentally sat upon it. He called back after discharge stating he was having some discomforts.. my suggestion? Sit upon a bottle of tylenol…

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The Case of a Broken Penis

We had an episode where a guy came in with a broken penis. He has apparently been having a good ol time with his girlfriend and missed going back in and had been going kinda fast and broken the cartilage in his penis. When he left, he had a cast on his penis. His girlfriend didn’t even drive him to ...

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The first week at tr

The first week at triage…. "Sir, how can I help you today?" the reply…. "My penis hurts…", "And why does your penis hurt?". " Because a CALF was sucking it!" You can’t make this sh

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This is kinda sad bu

This is kinda sad but funny as well. a guy in his 40’s pops some viagra and has a heart attack during sex. not only did his wife find out he died but also that he was cheating.

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Too Big to Handle

A 55-year-old patient with torsion of ovary - she came in twice, each time with a different ovary.

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We had a girl come i

We had a girl come into the ER about 1700 on a Sunday and ask if we could look at her vagina and tell her if she’d has sex the night before or not because she had forgotten.

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We had guy come in a

We had guy come in after condom broke requesting the morning-after pill. For himself.

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woman asked for the

woman asked for the morning after pill. I explained that we only give it in cases of rape, but she could get it from planned parenthood – she said she tried but they said "no"I had

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Yes, You Need an Adult

While working the front desk of the ER, we had a patient call in around 11pm asking if a 17-year-old could in to the ER for a pregnancy test without an adult.

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You Said You’re Not Sexually Active?

“you said you’re not sexually active?” response “I’m not, I just lay there, he does all the work”

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You’ll go blind if you keep doing that!

I triaged a teenage male who was convinced he was going blind because he was seeing spots. His parents caught him masturbating the week before and told him he was going to go blind if he continued and he believed it was finally happening.