ER story archive
The choices that make emergency-room staff stop and stare.
Page 11 of 14complete idiots
Dispatched to a difficulty breathing call. Arrive on scene and find male patient in no distress. En route to the hospital we find out that he has emphysema and bronchitis. Also find out that he continues to smoke 3 packs a day...
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Male brought in his grandfather who was not breathing and unresponsive. Nurse:
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61-year-old female presents to the ED with severe rectal bleeding.
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Parents decided to bring their 10yo child in tonight, 1 hour before midnight with a lump in the nostril. The mind boggles. I guess that at least they didn’t call an ambulance.
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A mother brought her teen daughter to a tertiary level hospital Emergency Department because the daughter had a patch of pimples on her cheek and had a party to go to that night.
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patient comes in the other day following an O.D after splitting from partner! Fair enough ! Asked he had taken anything else other than painkillers he replied " yes cannabis and co
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Patient comes in with dental pain. "I was told it needed to be pulled, but I did not have the $15 the county dentist clinic wanted for that……" then when asked about recent travel t
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Patient comes into triage and says “I burnt myself cremating my dog!” Top tip for next time, don’t shove the dog into an old wine barrel, pour gasoline in and stand over the barrel when you drop the match in.
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Patient – "I’ve passed a worm, it was just floating in the loo after I went. Here, I brought it in for you to see…" (pulls from handbag a tupperware container full of toilet water
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Patient presented to ED @ 0105am with smelly belly button fluff, boyfriend concerned about the smell after sniffing her belly button.
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Patient presents to ER, when asked about allergies, patients replied, “water”. WTF. No way.
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Patient with left arm in collar n cuff, right in plaster below elbow. Cant eat, drink, wash or wipe arse etc. Wonders why i refuse to help after he manages to smoke a cigarette outside unaided. Unbelievable. Now wants to complain
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patients calls the office and ask us what time the ER closes. Fridgen idiot
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People coming in because of constipation is common. However, this fellow had an interesting way to cure it. He shoved an apple up his ass thinking when the apple dissolved so would his poopie problem.
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Phone call last night at 0030 – very worried Mum whose GP had told her 12 y.o. son he had ManBoobs (tact!), she was panicked and wanted to bring him straight in. Another life saved.
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Phone call to the ER: How long is your wait? Me: We have about 20 people in the waiting room right now. Caller: Can you put my name on the list and i’ll be there in about an hour? Me: Sorry sir, we don’t do reservations like at restaurants. You have to be present to sign in. if you are ...
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Pick up the chart – triage note says "86 year old gentleman complaining of abdominal pain since World War II". Now what the %@*! am I going to do about that at 3am? Give me a break
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Picked up a 35 year old guy who lived with his mother and was complaining about left shoulder pain described as muscle tenderness around the deltoid area, and both the patient and his mother insisting on ambulance transport to the ER. Halfway to the hospital, I notice a tiny puncture wound in the middle of his deltoid. Thinking it might ...
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Picked up a pt at around 1030 yesturday saying that he needed to go to ED for dialysis. When asked what time his next appointment was he said the ambulance was coming to pick him up at 1100 but he didnt want to wait that long.
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Mother called 911 and came to hospital because her child had been stung on the 5th finger by a bee. No allergy to bee stings, no family history of it and no swelling present.
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Patient came in asking for us to test her for
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Received call from post-op patient enraged stating that her doctor was fired and she needed help. After calming her down she told me she was mad because apparently no one told her that she would experience pain after her surgery.
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Twenty-something female complaining of nausea/vomiting for three weeks and says she has noticed slight weight gain.
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presenting complaint – "Swallowed hot potatoe" I thought the receptioninst where having a laugh, but to my dismay… He had eaten a very hot jacket potatoe and was convinced he had s
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Presents at midnight… worried has glass in both eyes as a window broke in front of the patient’s face SIX days ago. No foreign body sensation. No pain. No eye redness. Surprisingly, eye examination was normal…
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Pt brought into the ER, by ambulance following 911 call, at 2am with a rash. Turned out that she’d had the ‘rash’ for 5 years after a plaster cast had rubbed her ankle! What goes off in their heads at 2am to do this shit?
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Pt called 911 to report chest pain. Ambulance arrived to find pt on curb with LARGE suitcase.
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Pt – ‘coconut fell on my head..’ Me -DO you have a head ache? Pt – no, but I did when it fell. Me – Do you have any problems with your vision, neck pain etc.. Pt – no Me- When did this happen ? Pt – Ohh about 10 yrs ago when i was under a coconut tree. Pt- ...
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Pt complanit – the last doctor he saw did not write him for adequate pain meds…so i wrotle him for Percocet # One truckload – the guy almost danced out of the ED. Of course he was very upset when he went to get it filled and the Pharmacy told him that this was not an accurate script
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pt: there’s blood in my semen me: excuse me? pt: yeah, like when it comes out, there’s blood me: um, ok pt: here i show you…*pulls out stained white underwear* me: please sir, put that away
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Pts mom is pissed about her ER bill b/c child had a scrape to finger, called 911 where a bandaid was placed and sent home. *rolling eyes*
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Patient says, “I have a big problem and I need help as soon as possible.” “OK, whats the problem?” “I can’t get my ring off my finger and I want the doctor to make sure I didn’t lo
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Question: "So how long have you had this pain?" Answer: "All my life" oh, you are critical!
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Received 20 y/o female with a chief c/o “miscarriage”. So I’m doing my assessment, asking her the usual questions. RN: “Do you have an obgyn?” Pt: “No” RN: “Oh, so how was your pregnancy confirmed? did you take a home pregnancy test?” Pt: “No, I just know I am. You know, it’s woman’s intuition” RN: “When was your LMP?” Pt: ...
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Recent admission of a young lady with foriegn body PR. A sex toy. During examination "Can you feel where it is " Doctor "Yes" Patient"Can you pull it out?" Doctor"No I’m afraid you
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Recent daytime attendance of a young adult…. "well.. ive taken some e’s and snorted 2 lines of some white powder, dont know what it was and some tabs(?) and now i feel a bit dizzy!
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Recent dialogue in Emergency Department. Doctor: "Hello, my names Adam I am one of the doctors on tonight" Patients reply "Hello, Im a junkie, and im off im fuckin head"
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Recently had a 30yr old woman referred to the ED by her optomitrist as she had a migraine. Halfway through the assessment she revealed that she had actually had the migraine yester
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recently i was on triage and this old gent came up to the desk and told me he needed to see a dr. i asked what for and he stated "my farts stink" i gave him a 5 and he sat in the m
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Regular pt that came to ER because she had not urinated for 30 minutes. Are you serious? Tard.
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