complete idiots
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Saw a young lady who felt funny after taking some diet pills (some mix of gaurana and caffeine) - it said take one pill, twice a day.
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Complete Idiots
The choices that make emergency-room staff stop and stare.
Page 12 of 14complete idiots
Right in the Artery!
19-year-old female comes in complaining of neck pain. She woke up and one side of her neck was hurting “right in her artery!”
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RN: "Do you have an
RN: “Do you have any medical history or problems?” Pt : “No, not that I know of” RN: “Do you take any medications?” Pt: “Yes, (hands you a 2 page list!!) RN: “Why do you take these?” Pt: “Don’t know, the doctor made me start them after my stroke”
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RN Nurse told me of
RN Nurse told me of a guy brought in by Ambulance. Seems he had severe burns to his thighs and backside but refused to give info on how it happened. His girlfriend was finally consulted and she said he liked to sit on the toilet and light m-80’s then throw them in the pot and jump off. Guess he never ...
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Scared to Death
A frantic mother brings in her 23-year-old daughter with chest pain and anxiety. The daughter was at the movie theater watching Paranormal Activity and a scene scared her. The mother said,
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Scary Dreams
Patient in to ER because of terrible nightmares. Yeah, that's an emergency we can fix...
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Smacked Upside the Head with a Smoothie
Male patient in the ER with a serious head injury. “My bitch turned tricks and smacked me upside the head with a smoothie!” Turns out a “smoothie” is an iron since it smooths out y
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Smell my breath
Had a man call 911 because he thought someone broke into his home and covered his turkey with Chloroform in order to poison him.
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so a lady from the U
so a lady from the Ukraine, who spoke no English by the way, came in by ambulance freaking out… come to find out she was having a panic attack which came on after she got caught shop lifting at a local grocery store. It was very funny. Her son finally came who spoke English who had to translate for her.
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so, i tell this mom
so, i tell this mom of a 13 y/o pt. that the dr. “will take it into consideration.” she files a complaint against me for “talking about siderations while my daughter is sick.” TARD.
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So once in a while p
So once in a while patients try to diagnose their own medical problems. To this end we had an old guy come in after he shoved a can of creamed corn up his ass so he could "make it
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SOB for Jock
Male patient calls 911 for shortness of breath because his jock itch was hurting too much...
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some bucket of shit
some bucket of shit who was in custody told the police to call 911 for chest pain and when he got to the ER all he wanted was a flu shot….yeah, that douche bag got a free ride back to jail when he was released.
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some guy comes in fe
some guy comes in feeling a bit tight in the throat, and we discover he was just after eating prawns. He revealed he KNEW he was allergic, and had had several mild reactions before, but every so often he just couldn’t resist a plateful!
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son calls the other
son calls the other night for ambulance for his mom. she had been seen in the ER earlier that day cause she partially ripped her toenail off….well apparently at 3 in the morning she hit it again and it started bleeding her idiot son called EMS cause he said it started bleeding again and he thinks she needs an antibiotic….and ...
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Sparkling Fresh Breath
I get called to an abandoned house for “a woman complaining of a bad taste in her mouth.” Upon arrival she is clearly strung out on something. My questions and exams reveal nothing
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Start the Line
Upon arrival, facility's nurse says patient needs to go to ER, the only level I trauma center in the area, for an IV. Just to start the line-no drugs pushed, not even saline, no other problems, just an IV placement.
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State of Emergency
Middle of a huge snowstorm, the city issued a no unnecessary travel advisory. Patient comes to the ER complaining of a rash on his stomach that he's had for three weeks. This is an emergency now?
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Steam Pressed
We had a 15 year old patient come in with second degree burns on his chest. After inspection, the burns were in a very distinct pattern.
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Stick it Where the Sun Don’t Shine
A man showed up to the ER after he said he smoked marijuana and decided to stick a small flashlight in his anus. Apparently his friends dared him to stick it
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Still my favourite t
Still my favourite triage note thus far: Pt does not like eating fruit and vegetables. Would like an injection to make them more appealing.
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Stretch it Out
Had some guy come in complaining of painful urination. We come to find out he had a 1lb dumbbell tied to his penis because he thought it would help enlarge it.
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That Time of the Month
A 19 y/o female patient came in with multiple complaints, one of them being vaginal bleeding.
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That Tray Ain’t Contagious
Got into it with a grandma because as we were performing an LP on her newborn grandson with a 102 temp, she touches the sterile field.
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Oh that? That’s not Mine!
Patient came in and during triage I ask if he drinks, smokes, or partakes in recreational drugs. He answered no to all of the questions.
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Thawed Out
A mother brought in her 16-year-old boy because he developed a severe, sudden headache while eating ice cream…by the time they got to the ER the “brain freeze” had thawed out!
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The best ever…. &
The best ever…. "i’ve had this sore knee for three years and I thought as its a bank holiday and there is nothing on i’d get it seen to." i had to walk away and smile….
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The bloke who kept p
The bloke who kept presenting with a suitcase chained to his hand saying it contained moon dust always delighted me when He turned up !!!! Once, someone actually gave a shit and asked him for a look. after passing stringent ID checks with the NASA nutbag, we found out he was carrying round sand.
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The Caravan Clan
EMT arrives on scene after a call for a 60-year-old patient with a stomach ache. EMT noted the family followed the ambulance in their SUV on way to hospital. Really? You couldn't take him on your own?
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The doctor walks int
The doctor walks into the room and delivers the diagnosis to a 19 yo, single mother of 2- “Those sores on your vagina are an STD, we are going to confirm it but it appears to be herpes.” The patient begins to cry hysterically. In between tears the patient asks “Am I going to die?”
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The funny things old
The funny things old people say, a while ago whilst assesing an elderly lady I asked ‘are you a diabetic?’ due to some irregularity and they replied ‘ no dear they are all my own teeth!’
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The Great Prostate Debate
A female patient came in with the complaint of trouble urinating, and that was only the beginning.
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The other day a pati
The other day a patient’s wife was telling me how she went to the hospital because her mother was there. She asked one of the nurses where she was and the nurse said "ICU" The pati
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The Patch
During a patient‘s two week follow-up appointment, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
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there is the guy who
there is the guy who presented with "itchy balls" when i asked why he told me he mowed the lawn with no undies on. i learnt a lesson that day. always wear undies, DAH
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They Done Named Her
Two new mothers were in the nursery talking about their newborns.
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This gem just walked
This gem just walked in….28yom c/o “possible STD exposure”.. let me quote the chart: “two hours ago — unprotected fellatio with a female — unknown status of female — pt concerned about possible STD”. What a tard and an enormous waste of resources.
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this had me rolling.
this had me rolling.. a woman brings in her grandchild and is very upset as the child’s “belly button is falling off”. for a second i thought this could be some sort of emergency but in fact the kid had a baked bean in his belly button. for fuck’s sake.
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this happened a whil
this happened a while ago but still awesome.. 15 year old presents after trying to get drunk on his fathers aftershave "cuz it said it had alcohol in it".
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this isn't a specif
this isn’t a specific case, just a common occurrence. you’ll have some idiot that had a rash for 6 months that comes in because the cream their family doctor gave them yesterday isn’t working. you lived with this minor thing for 6 months but now it’s an emergency?
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