complete idiots
Deja Vu in the Shower
We once had a woman call 911 because she
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Complete Idiots
The choices that make emergency-room staff stop and stare.
Page 4 of 14complete idiots
Dentist 911
Guy called 911 because he had a toothache for the last 3 weeks and didn't have a dentist. Sad part is, after we brought him in, he left without being seen because the ER wait was too long.
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Diagnosis Disagreement
We had a guy wait three hours to get a second opinion because he disagreed with his own doctor's diagnosis. He couldn't understand the long waiting time for someone with a minor sprain.
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Does It Still Hurt?
20-something female comes in to ER looking in no way under distress. RN: “What brings you in today?” PT: “Well, I was leaning over and I sneezed and it kinda hurt my back.” RN: “Do
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Don’t Eat the Special Brownies
One patient came in ALS and two others BLS where they were either tachycardic and hallucinating, or just plain sedated.
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Drain-O, Breakfast of Champions
I work at poison control and recently got a call with the following question: “I had a strange urge to try Drain-O but I think I swallowed more than I should have, should I go to t
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Drain Pain in the Rear
Had to remove a drain snake that was used in an attempt to retrieve the cap of a spray paint can from patient's rectum. The paint can came out, but the lid stayed put.
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Dry Mouth? Try Water!
Call to home of 37 y/o female with unknown problem. Met at door by pt where she tells us she has a 3 hour history of “dry mouth” and nothing else. During examination we ask, “Have
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dumbass of the night
dumbass of the night award goes to the woman who drove her car to the ER and couldn’t find a parking space. she then decided to drive all the way home and call 911 for an ambulance ride to the ER for an earache.
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During a nightshift,
During a nightshift, the call bell sounded from one of my rooms (with four patients), and it was from one of the other patients. I headed over to his bed, and said patient screamed out on the top of his voice how he couldn’t sleep because the door to the hallway was slightly ajar. Not only did he wake up ...
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During my first year
During my first year working as a medic I once got a call for a new mother that ran out of milk and felt it was an emergency as her child was hungry.
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Earring Back
23 y/o female presents to the ER at 2 am because she was unable to unscrew the back off of her earring and her ear was beginning to hurt.
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EMS brings in a chil
EMS brings in a child with a mostly-severed arm. Seems he got stuck in the laundry chute and his parents tried to remove him from the wall using a circular saw.
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EMS brings in an eme
EMS brings in an emergent patient…. She needs a pregnancy test. Local pharmacy was closed. Good luck the triage nurse was one that doesn’t take any shit and told her to leave.
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EMS calls in a lady
EMS calls in a lady in labor, with rupture membranes. Well, working in the ER, we send those straight to Labor and Delivery. About 30 minutes later, OB called down and stated they are sending the patient back down. When we ask why, they stated that the patient was not pregnant and had actually pissed her pants. She still believed ...
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EMS report to the ER
EMS report to the ER—Pt with hx of back problems. Pt twisted her back tonight and felt pop. Pt reports numbness and tingling as well as “legs don’t work and won’t follow commands.” Pt then ambulated with steady gait from 2nd story of house into ambulance.
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Even a Blind Squirrel Finds a Nut
A woman had a pet squirrel and decided to bring it in to the ER because it bit her on the thumb. She insisted that it be checked for rabies but we told her we aren't a vet and we don't do animal testing.
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Excess Weight
Female patient was sitting at home watching the local news when the news did a piece about “THE RISING PERIL OF OBESITY” in society. She got so worked up that she called 911 and de
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Feeling really shitt
Feeling really shitty with a head ache and vomiting the morning after drinking 15 Bacardi breezers, 4 Jim Beams and coke, some wine and a Red Bull is called a hangover. Do not ask me to call the police because you think someone spiked your drink!.
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female patient in ER
female patient in ER at 5:50am with back pain as complaint. she was back that same afternoon with same complaint but failed to fill her script. what did she say when asked why she ran out of money? she stopped at liquor store on way to pharmacy. gotta have priorities, man.
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Final year medical s
Final year medical student from King’s sat in waiting room for 3.5hr. He wanted to know if his sore throat was bacterial or viral. He was nearly re-admitted for unilateral hearing loss and a black eye.
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“Frequent Flyer” Patient
A “frequent flyer” patient calls an ambulance and comes to the ER. She states, “I have a doctor’s appointment at 3pm but felt I couldn’t wait until then to be seen.” When I walk in
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From the ER to the Ward
Female, 16-years-old to triage, c/o 19-weeks pregnant, no fetal HB. We put her in a wheelchair straight to L&D.
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Frozen, Thawed, then Cooked
A family of six showed up to the ER complaining of vomiting. During triage, nurse found out the family had eaten chicken for lunch. Unfortunately, that chicken was purchased a week before, frozen after a few days, thawed for a couple of days, then cooked and left sitting out for a few days.
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Fundie woman dialed
Fundie woman dialed 9-1-1 because she saw two guys being lovey-dovey across the street. Wanted the police to come and “do something.” Like what, lady? Arrest you for abusing emergency services?
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Girl books in with b
Girl books in with broken fingernail. My consultant goes to see and treat patient only to find that the patient has broken a f*cking false fingernail ! We immediately referred this tw*t to her nearest nailbar!
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Girl comes into a fi
Girl comes into a field Hospital in Cheltenham last week and says she has a strange rash on her arm which wasnt there at the beginning of the day. Says its gone all red and it wont go away, but goes white when she presses it. Should she have some tablets or somethng? Tured out to be sunburn!
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Girl was brought in
Girl was brought in twice by her boyfriend complaining that her feet were turning blue after using LSD! Even after the boyfriend was specifically told, she is tripping, do not bring her back!
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Give Us a Call
Pt:
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Good Code talk from
Good Code talk from the abulance – we’ve got a 1 Delta 10 Tango, translated … IDIOT.. heh i love that. Patient "had a cold for 4 months". fuck off.
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good god, i've had
good god, i’ve had a whole day of people ringing up the ED ( I don’t know why the phone is at the doctor’s station) because their child has had a rash for 6 months but they don’t want to wait more than 15 minutes to see a doctor. Bunch of fucking mouth breathers
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Got a call to a chil
Got a call to a child birth. We walked inside to find the mother laying on the floor stating “it hurt so bad”. She asks if that green stuff was supposed to be coming out her vagina? I ask how long has this been going on? she advised 2 days. My partner and I asked, why didn’t they go the ...
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Gotta love the 8 yea
Gotta love the 8 year long leg pain that brings people to the emergency dept. Then they don’t understand why they have to wait so long and others get to go ahead.
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great ambulance call
great ambulance call the other day: Bilateral hip pain due to too much moisture in the air. This is in Phoenix AZ!
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Gritting my teeth at
Gritting my teeth at "My stomach is hurting so bad that I’m think I’m going to die. Can you PLEASE bring me something for pain and nausea? Oh, can you bring me a sandwich and some
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Guy arrives via ambu
Guy arrives via ambulance because he was urinating in his own toilet, had poor aim and some of it splashed up into his eye and now his eye is burning. Now that’s some toxic pee there my friends. And he wasn’t even drunk…apparently just incredibly stupid, and a poor shot.
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Guy comes in complai
Guy comes in complaining that his “vicious” stab wound on his hand from two days ago wasn’t cared for properly at another hospital. After about seven minutes of “and what exacly do you want me to do today?” he says, “well, i want it stitched closed. i don’t mean to brag, but i gotta go back to prison, and i ...
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Guy comes into ED 2
Guy comes into ED 2 nights ago with his mum and dad. He’s a 40 year old bum who just wasn’t feeling himself today. Unable to tell me of any specific symptoms, but reports feeling vague. Really? ugh
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Guy comes into ED fo
Guy comes into ED for abd pain. As I go through my assessment, I ask “are you urinating okay?”. Guy answers, with a VERY strong accent, “naw, I aint!”. Ok, I said tell me more about that. Pt. responds “I dunno, I just dont feel like eatin”. OH! Realizing he doesnt know what “urinating” is…. I asked “but can you ...
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Guy comes to ER tota
Guy comes to ER totally confused, dizzy and just not himself after eating his lunch at work. Diagnosis: query stroke! It ends up he has taken some freshly baked hash brownies to work his kids had made and he had no clue what the main ingredient was. New diagnosis upon discharge: Stoned!
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