complete idiots
Man in a wheel chair
Man in a wheel chair came in because he had a fortune cookie that read, “Be cautious today.” He denied all complaints, just thought he should not tempt fate because of the fortune cookie.
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Complete Idiots
The choices that make emergency-room staff stop and stare.
Page 9 of 14complete idiots
Me: "do you have an
Me: “do you have any allergies?” them: “yes, to antibiotics” Me: “which ones?” them: “all of them” Me: blank stare
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Me: Hello, what is y
Me: Hello, what is your emergency today? (i say that in hopes they’ll feel like an idiot if they are there for something dumb). Her: I swallowed two pills and want to know what they are. Me: Were you seen here and prescribed these pills? Her: no, i found them in an old purse but the label fell off. Me: ...
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middle aged lady cam
middle aged lady came in with a sore leg, i offered her some cocodamol with water to wash it down. she refused the water saying that she hadn’t drank water for 20 years since the doctor told her she had a ‘water infection’!! she only drank coca cola now! great for her dentist, bad for us! Idiot!!
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Middle aged man – br
Middle aged man – brought in by ambulance after 911 call – ‘my scrotum has stuck to my pants’
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Missed Bowel Movement
One time we had a patient come to the ER at 10am on a weekend because he missed his 9am bowel movement.
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Mom and 20 yr old da
Mom and 20 yr old daughter arrive with a complaint of sore throat (daughter). Mom says that the patient has had a lot of sore throats recently, and was wondering if we could remove her tonsils while she is here.
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Mom brings kid in wi
Mom brings kid in with a towel wrapped around hand, and shouted my sons been bit by a dog, rushed him through thinking the dog had amputated his hand. Undressed the well wrapped hand, there was no blood, no lac, no nothing. I asked again what had happened, 5yr old child stated a DUCK had bit him.
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Mom brought her 6 ye
Mom brought her 6 year old daughter in at 3 in the morning because she had dropped a brick on her toe one week before and her toenail was still blue. Mom wanted to know when it would stop. I told her it could look that way for a while and it was normal. Mom said “Okay, well that’s all ...
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Morning Sickness from My Wife
“I think I caught morning sickness from my pregnant wife.”
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Morphine Doesn’t Help
“Morphine doesn’t help my pain…but that pain medicine that starts with “D” always helps…”
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Mosquito Bites to the Leg
Female comes in to the ED with a complaint of 6 mosquito bites to the lower leg. She states she is sure that they are mosquito bites because it's summer, she was outside at night and she saw and felt each mosquito as she was bitten.
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Mother brings in 3 m
Mother brings in 3 month old who vomited once. Chief complaint= "The vomit tasted like soap so I though there was something wrong". Yes- you read that right. She tasted the baby’s
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mother who attends w
mother who attends with her 7 yr old who "seems to make a strange sound late in evening when watching tv, look he’s doing it now!" me: "you mean yawning?"
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Plain…Whatever!
Asked a patient what pill killers she was using for her flank pain. Then the doctor started listing some “Tylenol, aleve, ibuprofen…..” Patient states “oh no. No ibuprofen, I’m allergic. I used Motrin.”……
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Moving? Call 911
We got a call, 3am Saturday morning for W/D. Upon arrival, we see the woman standing in the hallway outside her room holding 2 huge suitcases and a large purse.
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my arm has been sore
my arm has been sore for the past 18 months…i ask what is any different tonight at 4 in the morning…Pt replies…its getting much worse over the past 3 months!
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My Baby Needs Silence!
A pregnant woman comes in smelling of cigarette smoke and demands to be seen. She wants her unborn baby examined “for injuries” and wants a copy of the chart for her lawsuit. Turns
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my best presenting c
my best presenting complaint … "hungry"
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My boyfriend was SUP
My boyfriend was SUPER drink and passed out, he was crying and really sick, he convinced me that he was dying. Yes, I was stupidly drunk too. I called an 999 and they arrived literally two seconds later and as soon as they got there he sobered up IMMEDIATELY and was suddenly fine and the ambulance guys (rightly so) were ...
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My fav is still pare
My fav is still parents who don’t like the diagnosis they get from the family Doc so they bring their kid to Emerg. I don’t know how many kids I’ve seen who have had a cough for a
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my fav is when peopl
my fav is when people come in all beat up or shot and first thing out of their mouth is "i was just minding my own business!!" OOOOHHHHH SURE "I was just sitting down minding my ow
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My fav still is the
My fav still is the bloke who waited 4 hrs to be seen in ER with a blocked nose. we gave him a tissue and told him to blow his nose…miraculously it worked and he left! the wonders of modern medicine! oh…and he’d called an ambulance to get there in the first place…
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my favorite 911 call
my favorite 911 call was the idiot who called because she got soap in her eye!! seriously people!!!
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My favorite is a pat
My favorite is a patient telling me they had a ‘touch of the AIDS". I’m assuming that’s like being a little bit pregnant.
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my favorite is the p
my favorite is the patient who came in with a song stuck in their head…..
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My favorite is when
My favorite is when they present at triage with nausea, vomiting & diarrhea for 20 mins, vitals normal, moaning and groaning about how sick they are and need to see a doctor immediately but once they’re in the waiting room you see them eating a big bag of Doritos chips.
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My favorite is when
My favorite is when someone calls the ambulance for tooth pain because they think that they will bypass the waiting room and get right back into a room. Imagine their surprise when we turf them, still on the ambulance stretcher, to the waiting room where they belong!!
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My favorite is when
My favorite is when ye good ol’ frequent flyer drug seeker (and everyone can think of at least one) feigns innocence and says something along the lines of.. "can you just give me t
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My favorite question
My favorite question to ask— What brought you to the ER today?–it is an impossible question to answer for some people. I don’t need to hear about your 5 years of back pain, why the f*** is it an Emergency now?!
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my favorite story ha
my favorite story has to be the lady who worked as a cleaning lady. She stepped in a cleaning chemical at work with her shoe on and called 911 because she thought the chemical would eat through the shoe and then her foot. no complaints or pain but called for an ambulance anyway.
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My favorites are the
My favorites are the ones who tell you "I’m having a seizure" while shaking at the same time and then sliding to the floor in just a way so they don’t injure themselves! seizures a
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"my friends be
"my friends bet $20 that i wouldn’t swallow a cigarette lighter……so i swallowed it."
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My husband works in
My husband works in ICU and told me a story about a gay couple that came into the ER…..On of the men had a Transformer action figure stuck up his butt. My reply to this, I hope it wasn’t a decepticon.
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My patient was getti
My patient was getting a IV fluid bolus for vomiting, she asked if she could have more nausea medicine because she though all that fluid would make her throw up. I explained that it isn’t going in her stomach, but directly in her vein. She seemed puzzled.
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My personal favourit
My personal favourite – "fingers tingling after chopping chillies"….
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My personal favourit
My personal favourite is the guy who tried to book in at 4am because he had an itchy finger. Made my night. I wanted to hand him something with a trigger.. heh
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My recent favorite w
My recent favorite was the 17 year old who called the ambulance to take her to the ER at 1 am on a school night. When I asked her what was going on she told me her ear wax was bothering her and she didn’t want to take her math test the next day.
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My very most favorit
My very most favorite is when they come to the hospital by ambulance for a flu shot, paper cut, pregnancy test, a fart came out sideways etc etc. and then they think you should get them a cab ride home because they can’t find a ride……I never cease to be amazed at the gall and ignorance of the human species!
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my waiting room toni
my waiting room tonight- man can’t sleep, sitting in waiting room drinking coffee, will not leave till see’s dr. other man has cold feet- brought by ambulance!!
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