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Complete Idiots

The choices that make emergency-room staff stop and stare.

Page 6 of 14

complete idiots

How about a four mon

How about a four month old wart – which became an emergency at 4am?!? Seen at 10am only to be told – we don’t have the right equipment to treat it – go see your GP…TARD!

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complete idiots

How about "Abd

How about "Abdominal pain for 6 years, usually relieved by drinking beer." (Absolutely true chief complaint)

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complete idiots

how about, "my

how about, "my kid has abdo pain and vomited once", but when you go in the room he is eating HOT CHEETOS and doing just fine!!!

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complete idiots

How about this one:

How about this one: picked up a guy that did cocaine and Viagra. On the way to the hospital, he asked me if they were going to have to put in needle in his penis to drain the blood like they did the last time. In other words, he did this before and knew the outcome. I called him stupid ...

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complete idiots

hows this…"I

hows this…"I’m here because I ran out of my medication…no i didn’t call my dr, i didn’t want to bother them"

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complete idiots

"humen bit on whyte

“humen bit on whyte meet” was the complaint…I call the young “lady” over to triage her and I asked her what that meant…human bite on the white meat…”human bite on the white meat? What is the white meat?” I ask. She points to her massive upper arm and on the inside “flap o fat” is a very large bite mark…I ...

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complete idiots

Hygiene First!

9 y/o child brought in by dad. C/o pain during & after urination. Patient is uncircumcised and the Dx is balanitis.

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complete idiots

I am a 4th year medi

I am a 4th year medical student in an urban area of NJ. While seeing a crackhead who had come in for asthma exacerbation, she tells me “i didn’t use heroin yesterday cause i thought it would help my asthma, but cause ma breathing didn’t get better..i woke up this morning at 5 am cause u know they give it ...

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complete idiots

I am an EMT student

I am an EMT student at the moment. One Sunday night I was doing one of my required ED internship rotations and a 19 y.o. female was brought in with a stab wound to the lower back. When the medics brought her in the front desk staff recorded her c/c as a back lac and sat her in the waiting ...

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complete idiots

I am working locum t

I am working locum tenens at a doc in a box urgent medical center outside of a big-box discount retailer. 20-something female comes into office complaining that she is now pregnant. I ask her if she is taking BC pills or using contraception. She comments she just had her first BC pill prescription filled at big-box pharmacy, and she just ...

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complete idiots

I attended a 911 cal

I attended a 911 call to a woman’s house. After keeping me in the pouring rain for 5 minutes she finally opened the door looking perfectly healthy. "Why did you call an ambulance?"

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complete idiots

I brought my friend

I brought my friend to the ER because he had a bad allergic reaction to a medicine. We arrive at 10, he gets taken back at about 1. I wait, and finally at 4 am, he walks out in hospital gown and tells me I should just go home because he hasn’t been seen yet. He says he spent the ...

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complete idiots

"I drank 1/2 g

"I drank 1/2 gallon of very cold water and I think i froze my bladder and now I can’t pee. What do I do? Woud a cup of hot coffee help?"

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complete idiots

I enjoyed the father

I enjoyed the father of a little boy (happily eating crisps and picking his nose) with a cough at 1am. "How long has he had the cough, sir?", "Since midnight" was his reply…. "How

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complete idiots

I feel we need to st

I feel we need to start a documentation campaign for acceptable terms: DADS syndrome: Dumb as dog shit FITH syndrome: F@cked in the Head TTFU: Toughen the f@ck up CRAFT: Can’t remember a f@cking thing O2 thief WOFTAM: Waste of f@cking time & money

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complete idiots

I get called up to t

I get called up to the hospital to attempt a ‘difficult IV’. I put the tourniquette on and the patient says “good luck with that” I ask “are you a tough stick”? She replies “oh yes, I’ve been diagnosed with ROTATRY veins”….dumbass believed that was a real medical affliction!

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complete idiots

I had a 15 year old

I had a 15 year old girl come in with her 16 month old son and 2 week old daughter so she could get the staples removed from her C-Section! Then she told me that they couldn’t afford condoms or birth control, and wanted to know if we had any that she could have. I told her no but that ...

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complete idiots

I had a 19yr person

I had a 19yr person come in witha triage card reading as follows: " painful ear post swimming and submersing head, now has some hearing loss" WTF?????? Do people not realise when t

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complete idiots

I had a 21 yo female

I had a 21 yo female with belly pain come in. When I asked what her last oral intake was, she stated 1 month ago. When I said “you havn`t eating anything in a month?” she replyed “oh i thought you meant oral sex”.

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complete idiots

I had a 43 year male

I had a 43 year male patient who injected his scrotum with 500mls of water with a needle. His reasoning? " to see what it felt like to have big balls."

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complete idiots

I had a lady come to

I had a lady come to the ED and request STD testing because her boyfriend had a hemorrhoid and she did not want to catch it.

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complete idiots

I had a male patient

I had a male patient sign in the other night with penile discharge while on his period. He stated, "I have female reproductive organs and I am on my period but i have penile discha

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complete idiots

I had a man come to

I had a man come to my ER at 930 pm with a broken nail sustained at work…….a broken nail!!!! he came in because he needed a workmans comp form for this "injury".

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complete idiots

I had a mother bring

I had a mother bring in her 2 year old child with a fever of 102.7. Mother stated child had a fever for about 2 days. I asked when the last tylenol or motrin was given to the baby.

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complete idiots

"I had a party

"I had a party on saturday night. I have just found my cat frozen in my freezer. If I put it in the microwave, will it come alive?"

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complete idiots

I had a patient pres

I had a patient present for a toothace (which by the way annoys the hell out of me), he stated that the tooth had been hurting for a couple of weeks. when I asked him why he did not go to the dentist he replied “That costs money”.

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complete idiots

I had a patient who

I had a patient who presented to the ED for a bruise on her foot of unknown origin. The doctor went to examine her and immediately came out of the room shaking his head. "Would you

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complete idiots

I had a pt come in b

I had a pt come in by ambulance terrified that she’d been exposed to swine flu. “And where do you think you were exposed?” “The guy I talk to on AIM said he has it.” Face, meet palm.

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complete idiots

i had a pt who calle

i had a pt who called at 3am…he burned his finger on the oven and called just to get "checked out" because he wasn’t sure if he should go to the hospital or not. 3am!! mind you, wh

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complete idiots

I had a totally OBNO

I had a totally OBNOXIOUS woman come up to me at the triage desk and I was smokin busy with some actually sick people for a change, and she rudely says to me "so – is this where I

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complete idiots

I had a young guy co

I had a young guy come in with blisters on his feet after wearing new shoes to a party. Seriously?? I felt like telling him to suck it up and handle it like a woman!!!!!!

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complete idiots

I had an old lady co

I had an old lady come in because she had a bruise from a blood test. Stupid old bat. of course she was classified as a low priority and ended up waiting for two hours to be seen because we were so busy. Then her daughter had the nerve to complain about the wait.

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complete idiots

I had to giggle abou

I had to giggle about the guy who stayed on the streets, despite having a perfectly good flat to stay in, who walked around with a carrier bag with £24, 000 in it. He didn’t trust the banks you see!

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