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Complete Idiots

The choices that make emergency-room staff stop and stare.

Page 7 of 14

complete idiots

I had triaged a pati

I had triaged a patient that came in with acne which she had for 9 years. she needed meds early one morning before going to her job at mcdonalds.

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complete idiots

I looked at the pati

I looked at the patients name while walking into the exam room, I started asking; “What’s wrong with…” and stopped because of how odd the name was. I asked the mother (the patient was only 3) “How do you pronounce your child’s name?” She looked at me as if I was stupid and said “Sh-theed.” Ouch! The patient’s name was ...

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complete idiots

I love it when a pat

I love it when a patient gets triaged for some stupid complaint (toothache, stubbed toe, cramps) get sent back to the waiting room. Since we do have real emergencies that we are taking care of, they decide that their wait time has exceeded 1hr and to get seen really fast you have to arrive on an ambulance. So they have ...

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complete idiots

I love the phone cal

I love the phone calls of people trying to make a reservation in the ER or want to get registered as a patient before they show up so they don’t have to wait. You clearly don’t have an emergency, moron.

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complete idiots

I Might Have High Blood Pressure

A 500+ pound man, who had not left the house in 3 years, came to the ER because he was concerned he “might have high blood pressure” and wanted to see what he could do. You sure di

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complete idiots

"I need an amb

"I need an ambulance, ive been sitting in ER for 30mins and no one has seen me yet, i have a tooth ache! Help me, send an ambulance to take me to another hospital!!!"

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complete idiots

I once got a call on

I once got a call on night shift from someone who wanted to know why some poop floted and some poop sank to the bottom. Go figure. I told them it was the fat content of the poop.

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complete idiots

I once had a gentelm

I once had a gentelman come in to the ER stating he was allergic to crabs and had just accidently ate some. While writting the chief complaint I asked him why he ate crabs when he knew he had a shellfish allergy? He replies not sea shellfish ones but the ones that my girldfriend has. My doctor told me after ...

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complete idiots

I once triaged this

I once triaged this guy that was telling me that his anus had been itching him for two months. So he wanted to be seen at 6:30 in the morning. No blood. No Discharge. No Change in bowel habits.

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complete idiots

I one triaged someon

I one triaged someone who wanted an xray because of a 4 day old bruise on her finger. The issue was that when she pressed on her finger, it hurt…obviously a life threatening issue.

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complete idiots

I responded to a wom

I responded to a woman with chest pain (non cardiac). When I get on scene she is sitting in the car. I ask the family why they didn’t just take her to the hospital which was less than a block away? The patient replies she didn’t want to have to sit in the waiting area. guess where she was sent?

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complete idiots

I responded to the h

I responded to the home for someone with a broken hand after punching his wife in the face. This wife was fine, but the husband had to spend several hours in the ER with a broken hand.

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complete idiots

I saw a chap a few d

I saw a chap a few days ago with a sore knee. Called an ambulance to take him to ER. Waited for about 40 mins then decided it was too long so went home. 3 hours later his knee was still sore so he called another ambulance.

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complete idiots

I saw a lady the oth

I saw a lady the other day who had come to the ER via ambulance 4 times in the past week with the same complaint of dry mouth. I asked if she’d seen her primary doc for the complaint that has been ongoing for the past at least 6 months. She told me he only told her to stop smoking ...

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complete idiots

I took a Nurse call

I took a Nurse call today in the ER. Went Something like this: Caller: I had a complete hysterectomy a few years ago, but I want to know if I can still get pregnant in my tubes? Me: Ok, did they take out your ovaries when they performed the hysterectomy? Caller: Yes. Me: Ok, then probably not. The Ovaries supply ...

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complete idiots

I used to work in ra

I used to work in radiology before switching to surgery earlier this year. I personally received a call from an in-house patient asking if I could tell her what her last chest xray showed. I told her that her doctor would be the one to tell her that but she wouldn’t take that as an answer. She says, “Last night ...

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complete idiots

I wanted to slap the

I wanted to slap the fool that called EMS because a McDonald’s french fry cut the top of his mouth. 2 mother fucking days prior.

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complete idiots

I was a volunteer at

I was a volunteer at the ER in the teaching hospital in my city. A young gentleman came in at 0100 to ask for an allergy shot – he was going on a trip the next day and did not want to wait at a walk-in clinic the next morning. He figured we wouldn’t be busy at 0100 on a ...

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complete idiots

I was in an all-terr

I was in an all-terrain-vehicle accident and went down a short cliff. While waiting in curtains (badly sprained knee and lots of abrasions) there was a woman in the next bed who got there first. Doc was taking her history: “I have a fever, GI trouble, bi-polar, alcoholic, drink a fifth of vodka a day WITH meds, and might be ...

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complete idiots

I was in the er lobb

I was in the er lobby for a dislocated shoulder when I over heard a nurse getting loud with another patient after she asked to go out for a smoke. It looked like the patient was in with someone else, but she looked shaken up and explained her craving. after the argument going back and forth, I heard the nurse ...

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complete idiots

I was working on the

I was working on the phones when a patient called and wanted to talk to a Real Nurse (RN), I did not know that was what RN stood for.

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complete idiots

i was working triage

i was working triage one night when a guy w/ a business suit and his wife (business as well) walk in and close the door. i ask what is the problem as he doesn’t look in distress. he said he wanted to know what his colon looked like, so he did what anyone would do and fill a bag of ...

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complete idiots

I work for insurance

I work for insurance company and a woman filed a claim for emergency treatment. After reviewing admit and discharge paperwork claim was denied. She choked on marshmallows and came to the ER 72 hours later.

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complete idiots

I work in dispatch f

I work in dispatch for EMS and we once had a woman call asking for directions to a mall. it was an emergency as the mall was closing soon.

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complete idiots

I work in ER registr

I work in ER registration and those of you who work in this field know that we have multiple jobs. Our ambulance crew is based out of the same office so when they’re on a call or just not in the office, we act as dispatchers. One night our crew was gone and 911 called. I answered and couldn’t help ...

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complete idiots

If your going to fol

If your going to follow the ambulance to the hospital with an ambulatory pt, just fucking put them in your car and drive them yourself.

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complete idiots

I'm a medical stude

I’m a medical student and was sent to evaluate a patient in the ER. When asked what brought her to the hospital, the patient promptly replied that she had Cystic Fibrosis. Not too outrageous, right? Except for the fact that she had ovarian cysts and uterine fibroids and combined that together to make “Cystic Fibrosis.” :face palm:

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complete idiots

I'm an EMT (Basic,

I’m an EMT (Basic, but I ride with our Medic). Yesterday I got called to a code: 58yo M supine on the restaurant floor. CPR in progress. Woman doing CPR tells us that she’s a RN, works at the ER: obviously this means that she knows better how to deal with the situation, right? She seems to think so at ...

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complete idiots

"I"m worried my 6

“I”m worried my 6 year old might have swine flu”. “Ok, what symptoms is he experiencing?” “none, but he went on a class trip to a farm and there were pigs there.”

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complete idiots

In too deep

After running all day and most of the night, we were finally able to get some sleep when at 3am we caught a run.

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complete idiots

In triage, patients

In triage, patients are given a form to fill out with their information and chief complaint. So, I walk into my patient’s room with chart in hand, looking for his chief complaint….it reads….”smoked bad crack”…

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complete idiots

in walks a father th

in walks a father that is concerned about his child’s high temp and is very worried that the medicine (antibiotics and antipyretics) that their gp prescribed on monday were not wor

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complete idiots

Inconsiderate TARD

When I was little(12 yo), I was in the ER after being sent from my pediatricians for an asthma attack that wasn’t responding to medication. As I’m in the room with serious SOB, there’s a woman with a ‘headache on the left side’ demanding treatment ahead of everyone else because she had a meeting to get to. I am so ...

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complete idiots

It Can’t Be the Alcohol

"… it can’t be the alcohol/pot/heroin/ice/daterapepills. I can totally usually drink 3 bottles of scotch, 4 glasses of wine and 2 long island ice teas and polish off a nice dessert

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