complete idiots
This isn't all that
This isn’t all that recent but when I first started working we had some guy come in because he had the tip of a toothpick stuck between his teeth.
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Complete Idiots
The choices that make emergency-room staff stop and stare.
Page 13 of 14complete idiots
This just happened i
This just happened in Triage: RN: What brings you here today? Patient: I threw up. RN: How many times? Patient: Once. RN: When did it start? Patient: An hour ago… RN: *Thinking to herself: level 3, 6hr wait…*
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This past weekend, a
This past weekend, a friend of mine walked into her patients room to perform her assessment and the patient looks up and says “I know you, you waited on me before.”
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This patient should
This patient should be stamped with stupid on his forehead—— which 20 yo in their right mind would come to the ER because he popped a pimple and it is bleeding? are you kidding me!
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This was one of my f
This was one of my favourites (yes this really happened) – ‘took sleeping pill’ Chief complaint: feel sleepy. Well imagine that.
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Today, 23 year old l
Today, 23 year old lady come in by ambulance short of breath, ambulance crew rolling their eyes. An hour later when still waiting to be seen she walks over to the front desk and asks; ‘is it ok if I go outside for a cigarette?’ – WHAT?!! Really short of breath then eh? TARD!
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Today, 25 year old g
Today, 25 year old guy comes in with pimple on nose, is going out tonight and doesn’t like the pimple and is wondering if we can do anything about it. TARD!
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Today, a 14 yr old w
Today, a 14 yr old who called an ambulance because her acne was hurting her face. TARD!
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Today, a 18 year old
Today, a 18 year old male called 911. Claims he was masturbating and suddenly felt faint. I should have asked if he was sleepy and wanted a smoke.
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Today, a patient com
Today, a patient comes in complaining of “extremely painful chest pain”. 10 minutes later she was asking when lunch was served.
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Today, a patient pre
Today, a patient presents with a laceration on her foot. After I triage her I tell her to take a seat. She honestly asked “is there someone to massage my shoulders?”
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Today, a woman comes
Today, a woman comes in with a 4 year history of nasal polyps. She has a letter from her GP dated 2 weeks ago and expects to be operated on within the hour. When I ask why she waited so long to come in she said that today was convenient for her and then proceeded to get upset at the ...
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Today, A Young man c
Today, A Young man came to triage the other day saying "I cut my dick" he said he cut it with a vacuum hose. I asked him " when did that happen" he said, "Yesterday… and today." TA
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Today, had a 24 yr g
Today, had a 24 yr girl who couldn’t get her tampon out. TARD!
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Today, I had a 15 yr
Today, I had a 15 yr old girl present (with her mortified mother) with a mobile phone stuck in her vagina (set to vibrate naturally!).
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Today, I had a guy t
Today, I had a guy turn up to triage with a blister on his knob ; how did u get it?; my girlfriend broke up with me so to get back at her i fucked her horse..TARD!
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Today, Man attending
Today, Man attending who was told by his hairdresser he was going bald and wanted a second opinion, BEAT THAT!! TARD!
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Today, some idiot co
Today, some idiot comes in at 10:30pm and tells me that she’s having day surgery at 11am the following day and would like a place to stay. WTF? the “H” outside is for hospital not hotel.
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Today, this middle a
Today, this middle aged guy walks in and says he’s “got a splinter in his heel!” how long has it been there? 7 months. how is this an emergency today?
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Today, well, last ni
Today, well, last night.. some idiot called the ambulance because he couldn’t sleep.
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Today, yet another h
Today, yet another hapless fool came into the ER today with a cold. It’s viral, we don’t have a magical cure for viral infections.
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Tonight, a 24yr old
Tonight, a 24yr old male presented in the ER at about 1am complaining of insomnia with a 6 year history of same but had nothing about it. He then proceeded to demand we fix this problem within the hour as he can’t wait around all night. He eventually left without being seen.
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Too Sick for School
Male patient presents at triage asking for a sick note for college (this was just prior to the fall exams). His reasoning was that his book bag was too heavy causing back pain.
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Too Tired
Pt came in and complained of being tired after experiencing seasonal allergies.
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Tourist walking thro
Tourist walking through a park, finds a clump of mushrooms growing in the gardens, of course, he eats them. Pt presents with bizarre delusions and just psychotic
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Treated for Shock
A lady called 9-1-1 for hiccups. After all, she'd had them for half an hour! Oh, and she was pale & cool and so she wanted to be 'treated for shock' while we were there. No, she did not get transported...
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Triage Monday mornin
Triage Monday morning- ” I need to see someone now – I’ve been tired for 2 yeras".
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True story…a guy p
True story…a guy presents to our ER, c/o a cut to his gum from a Dorito chip. He was triaged and actually waited 4 hours to be seen. Medicaid paitent, of course.
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Trust me, it's even
Trust me, it’s even worse for us vets. My last crazy call (at 2:30am) was ‘half of my baby mouse is missing, where is it?’ My response was ‘where is the mother mouse?’ Client: ‘in the cage’. Me: ‘How many other babies?’ Client: ‘eight’. Hmmmmm, well there’s your problem! Mother mouse has decided to decrease the population.
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try a 30ish woman wh
try a 30ish woman who called an ambulance because she ran out of Ural! The treatment? A category 5 and a large dose of waiting room therapy.
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Unable to Urinate? Here’s the Solution
Male patient comes to the ER complaining that he hasn’t been able to make much urine. Patient also complains that he is having severe abdominal and pelvic pressure. Upon assessing the patient he looks to be very distended. The patient begins to tell a nurse and myself how it got so bad last night that he went to the garage ...
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Unfortunately, one o
Unfortunately, one of our “chronic swallowers” died recently because she managed to swallow a couple of batteries. She’d gotten them out of the TV remote control. Her caregivers said “we didn’t know there were batteries in there.” How the hell did they think it worked, magic?
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Unresponsive on Couch
EMS dispatched to home for “unresponsive” patient. Roommate states patient had not slept in three days but was unresponsive on couch. EMS found male patient lounging in recliner, s
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Up in triage we have
Up in triage we have registration forms every patient fills out. If its busy, I often have five or six forms laid out for people I need to triage. Its helpful to know what patients are coming in for so that I can prioritize. One question on the form is “What would you like to be seen for today?”. At ...
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Vomiting and decreas
Vomiting and decreased appetite for months, abdominal pain for 1 year and back pain for many years! Ok, so what was the acute EMERGENCY condition that brought you here tonight?
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Was sitting at triag
Was sitting at triage on a busy night when a 28 year old man sits down and puts a can of expanding foam insulation on the table, proceeds to tell me he sprayed half the can up his ass “to make a butt plug”. I was speechless for about 45 seconds… and then pissed off that I had to give ...
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Was triaging pts whe
Was triaging pts when a young guy walks in. "I got to have my ears syringed, and I couldn’t get into my GP’s." I "politely" asked him to leave. When he got angry, I pointed out tha
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Watch Out for Flying Cows
A woman called EMS complaining of head pain after she had been hit multiple times with a stuffed cow by her boyfriend.
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Watch that Zipper
After the first snowfall of the year, a woman brings in her 4-year-old daughter because the zipper is caught on her snowsuit and she couldn't get her out.
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We had a young lady
We had a young lady brought in via ambulance to the ED dept post sex coz her vagina was sore. i just gave her the slow blink..
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