ER story archive
The choices that make emergency-room staff stop and stare.
Page 2 of 14complete idiots
a bloke came into emergency because he had bubble bath in his eyes, he was convinced that it had been contaminated with some kind of poison and wanted us to call the police to report it, i don’t think so mate
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A college girl comes in with a headache so I ask “what makes your headaches worse?” her response is “head butting the wall after I argue with my boyfriend!” I couldn’t help but chuckle.
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Female patient in early 20's complaining of being
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A deaf mute paranoid schizophrenic came to the ED with a box of parts and an ad from a magazine that said “garanteed to give you 12 inches” and a note that said “How do I work this?
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a few months ago we had a pt who got caught at a dept store stealing, told cops "im pregnant and bleeding" when she got checked in and examined she *was* bleeding, had a price tag
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a few years ago a 55 y/o male called 911 because he cut himself shaving and it was bleeding. when me and my partner responded and took the time to explain to him how to apply toilet paper, and explained he would be ok and it happens. then I asked if he still wanted to go to the ED. he ...
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A few years back, at 4am on a Saturday, a woman brought her 20 year old son to be checked. The reason, “he was bitten by a mosquito” Oh and she brought us the mosquito in a ziplock bag to check for west nile virus.
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A frequent fly went too far this time. she was shopping at Wal-mart at 2am when she hurt her toe on the shopping cart. That’s right, the shopping cart. Her friend drove her home and she called an ambulance from there! No broken bones or any injury. She just wanted a copy of the chart to show her lawyer. Then ...
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A guy brought his kid in for what turned out to be a bladder infection. As I was finishing up with the son, dad announced that he wanted to be evaluated also. I asked "for what?".
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A health care worker walked into triage one early morning. I asked nicely what brings you in this morning, I kid you not she says "chapped lips" I look at her and can’t help myself
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A lady came in to my ER this week by ambulance for a toothache…I love that she called 911 for a toothache. Meanwhile, some old guy is dying and can’t get an ambulance!
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A man brings in his 25 year old mechanic coworker who tripped over an oil pan and twisted his knee, quite seriously in fact. The patient’s mother comes in some time later and sees that her son is covered in oil from the accident. She proceeds to tear open any IV bag she can find and ” wash off that ...
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A man came into my ER after injecting an unknown street drug into his penis in order to make it bigger. When it started to swell, he freaked out and, thinking it was fluid, repeatedly stabbed himself in the penis to try and deflate it. He ended up having it surgically removed.
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A man came into the ER at the VA hospital with a complaint of rectal pain. According to him, three men broke into his house, shoved a can of Big Sexy hairspray up his butt, and left.
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A man rode up to the ER one night complaining of “burns” on his arm. After a quick assessment which revealed not even a singed hair, I asked what happened. He said he was using carburetor cleaner to clean his bike chain and it was getting dark so he pulled out his cigarette lighter for some extra light.
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A patient came in complaining of white vaginal discharge that only happens after she’s done having sex with her boyfriend. When asked if her boyfriend ever wears condoms, she shook her head no.
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A patient came to me at the triage window in the ED telling me she thinks she has food poisioning. She than takes out a bag with a piece of chicken in at and asks me if we can test it….I wanted to say…this is am emergency room where we take care of sick PEOPLE ..not sit around and test ...
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A patient had gotten a sunburn while skiing and called an ambulance to bring him the the ER. What the hell is wrong with people. My god it’s just a sunburn not a damn emergency!!!
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A patient walked in and said he needed to see a doctor because he couldn’t sleep. When I asked why he said it was because his wife was snoring. What did he want us to do? provide him with ear plugs. fuck.
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A petite 40-sumthin year old lady comes in with a GP letter detailing a 5yr hx of great toe pain. The GP has circled the main point of the letter such as ‘multiple XR’s NAD’, and ‘frequent presentations with same…’ and then he had pretty much written he was sick of her, so now it was our problem.
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A pikie bloke comes into triage and asks for the pill for his daughter…. says i," is she sexually active! to which he replies, "No she is just like her mother, she just fucking lie
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A psych patient listed her allergies as “rock and roll, AC/DC, penicillin, cotton, and FIRE”.
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a stupid college student who came to the ER after drinking water from a used bong on a dare, concerned he could contract oral herpes and if there is anything for him I can do. My advice: quit school and save your parents the tuition money.
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A patient came in because her hair was tangled. Yup, tangled. She hadn't combed it in over two weeks. She had gone to a beauty salon for them to fix it, but she thought it was too expensive, so she came in to the ER.
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EMS gets called priority 1 for a possible CVA. Arrive on scene to find a 23-year-old male c/o a tingling feeling in one arm after waking up from a nap!
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a very anxious mother brings her son to the ER. Reason? her son is "blinking more than normal". what. the. fuck.
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A woman and her husband come into the ED and the gal 100% looks like she is 9 months prego, at least. She says she needs to see a doctor and we send her up to the maternity ward. They ask her how far along she is, she says, What the hell, I am not pregnant and presents back at ...
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A woman arrives with her 9 day old baby to emergency wanting our emergency doctors to remove the umbilical cord clamp. Total emergency don’t you think????
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A woman brought her six-year-old child into the ED at eight in the morning. The child had vomit all over himself, and was crying profusely and complaining that his chest hurt. He’d swallowed the toothpaste instead of spitting it out while brushing his teeth before school, and his mother had shoved her fingers down to make him puke (she said ...
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A woman comes in and explains that 4 months ago she took a pregnancy that was positive. "This is my new boyfriend and we just had sex a few weeks ago, is there any way the baby is
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a woman is sound asleep, dreaming peacefully – until she dreams that she is swallowing a light bulb. She wakes up, dials 911, and insists on being brought in by ambulance to make sure she really didn’t swallow a light bulb.
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a women actually shot herself in her upper arm because she has had excruciating pain in her shoulder and she does not have medical insurance. She shot herself so she would have to be seen.
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A young woman presented to ED….her chief complaint was a blue tinge to her skin….no pain, SOB, just blue. Diagnosis?………New jeans! Duh!
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about 7 years ago, I was night shift, a male in his 30’s was drinking and climbed a flagpole on a dare, when he slid down the flagpole, he did not realize that there is a “hook” to wrap the rope around. It took 38 sutures to close his scrotum! He presented back a week later with wound infection!
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I had a PT's family member tell me that she didn't want her husband to be an organ donor because she was
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“I’m allergic to Tylenol, but I can take Percocet.”
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Alright, since winter is coming in the northern hemisphere it means that the flu season is starting. With all the media attention to swine flu we get a lot of people thinking they have it. This case wasn’t one of them. A 20 something girl comes in and says she feels like she has the flu but is certain that ...
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An acquaintance came into the ER with a chief complaint of crabs. I asked him how long he had these and he said a while. Said he had tried everything to get rid of them. Knowing the guy, I told him to shave one side, get a icepick and a lighter and set one side on fire and stab them ...
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Get a call for an unknown sick at a local grocery store and dispatch says patient in distress.
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Called to the home of a man who had stomach pains. Upon arrival, he told us, “I went to the ER, but they told me I was going to wait two hours in the waiting room. I didn’t want to
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