ER story archive
The choices that make emergency-room staff stop and stare.
Page 5 of 14complete idiots
Guy in his 30’s calmly walks into the department stating that he ALMOST got into a car crash. he had to swerve but didn’t hit anything.. no pain, no nothing but was still concerned that he had internal bleeding.
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Had 20 yr female come in complaining of heart palpitations…while getting her hx she’s very tearfull and wondering if shes gonna die….states I only did a little blow whys my heart so fast……yet she got mad at me when I asked what did you think was going to happen??? TARD heres your sign!!
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Had a 4 year old who came in with a “belly looks green” complaint . It did NOT look green. I had to restrain myself to not put “R/O turning into a leprechaun” as the complaint!
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Had a call into the ER last week: "my cat ate some of my chicken while i was in the bathroom, will she be ok?". the waiting room was packed so i just hung up.
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Had a DOA last week. Lesson learned: Never throw an old TV set in a fire. The shrapnel can and will kill you.
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Had a guy call me in triage and say he’d stuck a potato up his butt 2 weeks before, it never came out, and he’s having abd pain. I thought it was a joke. 3 hours later the guy shows up. Well, we never found a the potato but he did end up having appendicitis. I always wondered what kind ...
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had a guy come in christmas day, c/o being dizzy ever since he dyed his hair blonde in august.
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Had a guy come in to the ER after eating steak saying he had a piece stuck in his throat. Before we could retrieve it he managed to cough up a 4-5in long piece of steak. Apparently he was never taught to cut his food into bite size pieces and to chew thoroughly.
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Had a guy come in who was doing non contact judo that had accidental contact which resulted in a piece of the other guy’s tooth stuck between his teeth…used dental floss to get it out
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Had a guy dragged into the ER totally naked by 3 or 4 cops. Turned out he was a psych patient off his meds (and on numerous street drugs) and was found walking down the road naked after taking off all of his clothes and putting them onto a dead deer on the side of the road.
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Had a guy last night inform me that he should be seen before Triaged 3s and 4s because he was from a foreign country and deserved better treatment from Canada.
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Had a guy last night (4:00 am) rush in to the er for a non painful lump on his leg. Upon physical exam the lump appears to be a varacose vein. I had extreme difficulty not telling him how much of an idiot I thought he was.
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Had a man that came in for chest pain with dizziness, with wife in tow, who decided to get seen for the hell of it because she had an itchy vagina… might as well kill two birds with one stone, no?
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Had a mother bring in her 2 y/o for "fever of 103" When asked the last time she checked the child temp she replied "Oh I don’t have a thermometer, I just used the back of my hand a
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Had a patient booked in Saturday night… "Requests help to stop smoking Pot". I suppose if he’d run out of money for more Pot that may qualify as an Emergency…. 😉
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Had a patient brought in by ambulance after picking muhrooms from is backyard, cooking them up with some rice & brought in after having an altered mentation. Claimed he died & was a buddha. Scary part was his girlfriend did not seem upset at this claim.
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had a patient call the ER last night and ask if her DOG will be ok after eat a bag of Hall’s cough drops.
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Had a patient today that came in for foot pain. And told the doc the reason he was here is cause he had foot pain and he was out of methadone.
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had a poor old dude (75 +) sent in from a nursing home for behavioural reasons.. he was having consential intercourse with another resident and the night staff caught him!! also to add sexism to it. they didnt send in the female pt only the male!!!
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Had a pt at 4 am, because she had her period, it was one day late, so she came to the hospital. Nothing different, just her regular menstrual period.
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Had a pt that sign in yesterday cause they dropped a toothpick on their foot.
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Had a pt (whose a regular, 160+visits on record), complaint was " I was having oral sex and got a hair in my eye.." another good one is "I got hit in the shoulder by an airplane, (
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Had a pt yesterday going off yelling that she wanted to see the doctor because she wanted her xray. she was in pain and thought it was going to take the pain away.
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Had a regular who frequented both ED’s in town seeking drugs. One night ED#1 refused to give him anything, he stormed out into the waiting room and called EMS to go to ED#2 across town. When we arrived, we assessed the Pt in the ED waiting room, got him to sign the billing form, then marched him over to Triage ...
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Had a teenage lad in the other night. Him and his brother have been tossing about and his brother managed to "shock" him with some static. His PARENTS brought him in: "you can neve
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Had a woman come in on her birthday today.. while she was brushing her teeth her husband stormed in to surprise her on her birthday. so why was she in the ER? she swallowed some tooth paste and read that it was fatal if swallowed.
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had a woman turn up in the department with sore eyebrows after waxing them!!! can you get your breath she then complained about the 2 hour wait as she was in agony.
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Had an ambulance call at 0330 for a PT complaining of “swollen tongue.” This PT lives across town from the squad, roughly 3 minutes from the hospital. After waking up, getting dressed, and getting halfway there, we get called by dispatch saying, “patrol is advising that pt is tired of waiting and will drive himself to the ED.” I talked ...
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had an old woman call 911, get an ambulance transport into emerge in the middle of the night because she needed her perscription refilled.
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Had one woman who called an ambulance at 0200 because her hair hurt. I cut off her overtight scrunchie, and she went home. I had the doctor sign an order to charge her for a improper use of the ambulance service. She got hit with a $245 bill for that horseshit.
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Had patient that wanted Rx for a motorized scooter because smoking pot makes her dizzy.
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Had this at triage last night: "I’ve been drinking alcohol all day doc… and normally I’m pissed by this stage – but I’m not! I wanna check up!" TARD!
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he best one of the day… i was at the beach and my legs got sun burnt. they hurt and feel itchy. hmmmmm….. camomile lotion and piriton. have a nice day!
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Patient:
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Pt came into ER c/o “headaches and bad dreams.” We sent him home and told him to lay off the marijuana.
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One of our medic units was dispatched to a 15 y.o. male with a needle in his scrotum.
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Hiccups. Seriously? You just signed in with hiccups. And couldn’t even spell it right.
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his 20 yr old kid comes in because he’s dropped 2 hits of acid and now he’s worried because he’s CONFUSED – is this NOT the desired effect when you take ACID?????? I’m sorry you’re stupid – we can’t cure that!!!!!!
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Guy came into the ER needing a post accident UDC (urine drug collection). He starts off by stating that the last time he was in the ER was after being dragged 500 ft behind a truck in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
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How about a 17yo with itching and a rash who took an ambulance to our ER. Wanted to take an ambulance back home after being diagnosed with scabies. How else could she get home?
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