ER story archive
The lighter side of life inside the emergency room.
Page 2 of 3funny
I triaged a very large, very shy woman. I asked her what brought her in to the ER today and she just sat there. I said, “Dear if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I won’t know how to help you.” Slowly and quietly she proceeds to tell me, “I slammed my boob in the trunk.” I said, “I am ...
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I was at the nurses station about a month ago filling out papers when a lady and her husband come up to the counter. The man goes and sits and the lady asks the nurse quietly “Can I put DNR on here and not worry about coming back?” The nurse giggles and says sorry, no, at which the lady smiles ...
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I was hooking my patient (a 30 something year old male) to an ECG and was explaining the procedure to him as I did so. I had explained to him that this machine measures the electrical conduction within the heart. Once he was all wired up I asked him to lie still for me, and from the patient comes a ...
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I was volunteering in the ED’s registration desk. If you’ve ever been there, you get to see the array of people that come in. A man filled out the registration card. His chief complaint? “My dick itches and my balls hurt”. At least he was honest.
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I went in to register a pt and asked if there was any accident or injury involved..his response “NO I’m just not able to pass gas like, it is really hard to, when I think I have to it doesn’t come out.” Pt lets out this HUGE fart….then continues to tell me ” like that, I had to try really ...
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I work as a CT tech and I was scanning a woman who had a confirmed bleed. While getting her onto the table and talking to her she started petting my arm and said, "Shhh, Shhh Sandy
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In Psych Crisis. Schizophrenic female who’s a frequent flier comes in. She was going to be admitted. We gowned her. She got pissed at the wait to be transferred to a bed. So she protested by taking a dump in the middle of the ER hallway.
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My 10 year old son had been complaining about pain in his right shoulder area. I made an appointment and when we finally got into the doctor's room the doctor asked my son what was wrong.
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Our paramedics get called out to a tobogganing hill for a fall injury. Seems a women fell down the entire 100 ft hill.
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Man comes in to the ER by ambulance for 2-week-old jock itch and now expects the ER doc to give him an excuse for work.....
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I was caring for a young woman and asked, “So how‘s your breakfast this morning?” “It‘s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can‘t seem to get used to the taste,” the patien
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Last week we had a 14 year old come with a broken wrist from falling off his bike. He had the scrapes on his arm to prove it. When i walked in to do my assessment I asked how the accident happened. The mother replied with “too much masturbation”. haha. the kid turned bright red and wouldn’t look me in ...
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Male presents with a reaction to poison ivy while building a deck. Friend recalls that the patient quoted the Simpson's line,
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We keep our psych patients in the hallways to keep a close eye on them.
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Patient comes in with his girlfriend to triage; presents an empty blister pack of pills to RN.
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Seen in a consult note for a morbidly obese gentleman with heart failure: “…apparently while his wife was working, Mr. X had been sitting at home consuming massive quantities of calories and not exercising…”
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Asked an 11-year-old child if she had diarrhea.
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EMS crew gets a call about “grandpa” having passed out. They arrive on scene to find grandpa laying in the middle of a cow field and unresponsive. Fire fighters could not assist EM
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We had a patient come in to the ER and ask if we were giving the “Hi-N eye” shots. It took a moment to realize she was asking about the H1N1 shot.
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Nurse to 80 y/o Pt: This is Xanax. It’s for your Anxiety Patient’s 60 y/o Daughter: Mom take it. She said it’s for Anti-insanity
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After trying to put a bow tie on his cat, a male patient attempted to catch the animal, slipped on the front steps and knocked himself out cold when his face hit the home AC unit.
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One evening while doing registration, I had an officer bring in an inmate. His complaint was rectal bleeding. After he sat down I had to go in back to laugh. Must have dropped the soap.
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One morning EMS brought in an allergic rxn pt. When asked about her allergies, she stated that she is allergic to PCN and “cracks.” Pt then proceeded to tell me that she had smoked “some cracks” the night before and that she was out of her Benadryl, prescribed to her by the Free Clinic for just such an occassion. She ...
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Had a kid (under 21) brought in by police handcuffed for blood draw on Halloween. He was in his costume dressed as a prisoner.
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A patient came in to the ER whose name was
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Male pt brought in to ER high on meth and grabbing/pointing his penis like a laser gun and saying “pew pew pew”
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Picked up an approx 75 year old man with a turnip lodged in his rectum. When I asked how this occurred he told me that three men broke into his house, held him down and shoved it there. Needless to say I had to call in the police to share with them.
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Little old lady came to the ER via EMS with complaints that her ears were hurting since her family was “playing the music too loud.”
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Got called to a local college for a 19/M c/o hallucinations and vomiting.
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When the fire alarm sounds at 2 in the morning, it's nice to know that patients have their priorities straight when several of them ask about going to the bathroom instead of if we can help them out.
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An intoxicated male comes in to the ER looking for a prostate exam at 3 am (because that's an emergency!). The doctor asks if he knows what it entails, to which the reply is
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Pt arrives thinking he may have lice and wants checked out…turns out he was convinced he had lice on his eye lashes, so……he SHAVED them off. SERIOUSLY!!!
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Pt comes in with complaints of back pain. After examination, nothing is wrong and dr gives motrin. When the pt realizes he was not getting narcs he decides he needs to use the restroom. The ER had been packed all night and we didn’t notice right away that pt didn’t return. ED got a call a hour later that our ...
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Patient's wife talking to her husband,
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Quote from my patient " my baby daddys other baby mamma bit my ear off"
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Nurse:
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A young woman with funky purple hair styled into a punk rock mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing entered the ER c/o severe abdominal pain.
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A diabetic woman in her 80's with altered mental status is admitted and we run tests. We realize she was just stoned and the woman and her whole family react angrily.
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Called to a local senior facility for a patient with a “spoon stuck in her mouth with severe hemorrhaging.” We get there and the woman had one of those rubber-covered end spoons su
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My ex-husband had a really bad sunburn. As a way to relieve the pain, I told him to pat down with vinegar and take a cool shower.
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