Male patient comes in to ER complaining of hair loss. He had two barely visible bald patches so we told him off and sent in the direction of acquiring a GP.
I was transporting a code through downtown at 5pm on a Friday. Traffic is terrible, and our lights and siren are little help. My partner gets on the external PA and starts talking to the drivers of the surrounding cars. He’s yelling, “Move to your right! (pause) Move to your right!” Apparently one driver became confused because I heard my partner suddenly say, “No! Your other right, you dip shit!”
Pt: “Last time I was here they gave me an Eminem and I felt better.” (Enema)
Nurse: “What is your emergency today?”
Pt: “I feel like I’ve been eaten by a wolf and shit off a cliff.”
I transported a male patient to a local ER after he decided that life was too harsh and OD’d on Zantac. When I went back into the treatment room to get him to sign my paperwork he asked what the ER doc had determined. I replied, “She said that you can have all the barbecue and spicy food you want for the rest of your life.” Needless to say, the patient didn’t think it was funny…