Funniest chief complaint I ever heard in triage: “It hurts when I fart…”
We got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. We arrive on scene and she hands us an empty mint container saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints.
Male patient comes in to ER complaining of hair loss. He had two barely visible bald patches so we told him off and sent in the direction of acquiring a GP.
I was transporting a code through downtown at 5pm on a Friday. Traffic is terrible, and our lights and siren are little help. My partner gets on the external PA and starts talking to the drivers of the surrounding cars. He’s yelling, “Move to your right! (pause) Move to your right!” Apparently one driver became confused because I heard my partner suddenly say, “No! Your other right, you dip shit!”
Pt: “Last time I was here they gave me an Eminem and I felt better.” (Enema)